The day I realized I needed to get my life in order
I was dating an attached man and I was deliberating whether or not I should tell his lady about me and the other women. Straight foolishness.
I went back and forth on how she NEEDED to know what a jerk he was. How I know intimate details of their life. How he betrayed me. (I'm laughing as I type this...growth is everything, you hear me?) I wrote the letter and I cried. I even had issues with the other "other" women. From the outside looking in, I was together and everything was all good. I was a Knock Out! No boo, I was a fall out!
My mindset was so screwed up. I didn't want to be in a relationship because of past pain, although I lied to myself it wasn't the pain, I just wasn't ready, and I was "living life." I stopped talking to this man despite his multiple attempts to win me back. It took me a few times of being "done," with him before I actually was done. They say women break up with men a multitude of times before we actually leave. I learned so many lessons from this situation. I identified characteristics about myself that I didn't like. I learned that the things that we usually can’t stand about someone else are dormant in us. All the other “other” women and his lady were stupid, but in some way I wasn't. Growth, I tell you, growth! For months I waited on an apology. I thought that this apology would be life changing.
“Life becomes easier when you learn to accept an apology you never got.”
When I finally received the apology, it enraged me a little. I don’t doubt the apology was genuine, but I expected more. I wanted the apology to take away all the hurt and disappointment and repair me. The apology was simply words out of the mouth of someone I now viewed as a liar. I forgave him. Then I forgave myself. It took longer to forgive myself, but the day I did, I felt renewed. Affairs are always so juicy on television. When the script is finished the casts go back to their own lives, whatever that may be. I never sent the letter in case you were wondering.
The day you realize(d) you need(ed) to get your life together may not be as dramatic and messy as mine was. I'm actually praying it isn't. We all have awakenings, but do we always wake up after these?
Intuition will forever and always be a woman's safety net. However, we lie to ourselves. And I don't mean just with relationships. These lies are often beautified by the word rationalization. We rationalize why things aren't that bad. We rationalize why we can't take the leap of faith. We rationalize why we can't lose 10 pounds. We rationalize why we allow others to mistreat us. We rationalize why we can't apply for a better position.
I can go on and on, but you know the things you rationalize.
Stop lying to yourself! You will create a false reality. You can't live in this false reality for long and will create unnecessary stress, worry, and anxiety. This is no way to live. No one else cares about this lie, but you.
Here are some ways to stop lying yourself:
1. Make a decision that you want to stop lying to yourself.
2. Take responsibility before you begin to rationalize your behavior and (or) thoughts.
3. Examine past lies and see if there is a pattern.
4. Love yourself.
5. Realize that any situation that you have to lie to yourself about or hide from others, it's not an ideal situation for your life.
Later this week, I'll be sending you a guide on 8 ways to get your Life! True and tested ways to jump start getting your life together or simply helping you lead the life of your desires. Make sure you're on the email list, as it's exclusive to email subscribers.
My first love
Do you remember your first love? I do.
I was in my twenties. I thought I had found love before, but it wasn't that unconditional fairy tale love that Disney prepares all little princesses for. I had known this person forever, but I didn't always like them. Oddly enough, as I learned more and more about my love, this attraction developed. Feelings that I never experienced were ignited. Smiles that I had never even seen were formed. Impulsive decisions that I would once make, now I would consider my love and the impact it would have. Little things that once annoyed me were now okay. Hanging out and doing nothing with my love became my favorite thing to do. I would write little love notes and plan special dates. I tried to keep this love affair a secret, but it was written all over my face. One day I looked in the mirror and realized I had fallen in love with myself.
“A loving person lives in a loving world. A hostile person lives in a hostile world. Everyone you meet is your mirror.”
I don’t want to portray that I didn’t fully like myself prior to this or even that I had poor self-esteem. I just didn’t love myself fully. People are conditioned to say “yes, I like myself,” or even “of course I love myself.” However their actions scream a different response. I thought I loved myself. I was confident. I knew I was beautiful. Hunay, you couldn’t tell me I wasn’t cute. I was beautiful on the outside and frumpy on the inside. When I learned to truly love myself and put the same efforts into loving myself as I would another person, I blossomed. Just as a caterpillar emerging from its cocoon into a beautiful butterfly. I had a new glow. I looked in the mirror and suddenly, I was the most gorgeous I have ever looked. My smile was radiating and my aura cascading. Just being around me was a different experience.
“Loving yourself…does not mean being self-absorbed or narcissistic, or disregarding others. Rather it means welcoming yourself as the most honored guest in your own heart, a guest worthy of respect, a lovable companion.”
Others may mistake this self-love as conceit or narcissism, but that’s so far-fetched. Self-love should exert the same nurturing energy and attention as we exert for our children, mates, families, and friends.
Society screams that we should love ourselves, but how? There aren't classes in school for emotional development. Society does not teach us to love ourselves, but merely loathe ourselves. I'm going to list a few ways to help you love yourself more.
Ways to make love to yourself more
1. Forgive yourself.
2. Forgive others.
3. Stop criticizing yourself from today forward.
4. Take responsibility for your actions and decisions.
5. Be kind to yourself.
6. Respect yourself.
7. Write love letters to yourself describing the things you love about yourself.
8. Accept compliments from others.
9. Accept yourself as you are today.
10. Replace negative thoughts with positive affirmations.
11. Celebrate your accomplishments, even the small ones.
Usually I go in details, but I want this to resonate, as it takes time. Even if you just re-read the list a few times to get it into your subconscious, will be one step toward your euphoria.
Busy is the new black!
via
I have a friend that's always busy doing nothing. I still haven't figured this out. At one point I thought maybe we really weren't friends and she's blowing me off. That wasn't the case though. Every time I’d call, I’d get her voice mail, which was full. Or if by miraculous chance I get her on the phone, she has to go. Days or weeks later she'll explain "it was nothing." One day in person I asked her about all the "nothing," and she was right it was nothing.
Simply put: if you aren't getting the things that you want done, it's nothing. It’s busy work. If your goals aren't being met, you're wasting time.
Busy is the new black! People posts on social networks all day about how busy they are like it’s a badge of honor. There’s nothing wrong with being legitimately busy: your time is occupied and you are satisfied with the time that you delegate weekly to work/school, family, and play. The glorification of being busy comes from people who aren’t productive, but rather doing busy work just for recognition or because we’re conditioned that being busy means we’re doing well. When someone asks, “how are you?” We respond, “busy.” Busy is not the new “I’m fine.”
What are you busy doing?
One of my Facebook friends posted about wanting to start a business. I messaged her with three specific things that she could do to get started that night. She told me she was going to be so busy that night but would "try" to get to it that upcoming weekend. That night I saw four posts from her on Instagram and three on Facebook, all unrelated. She's still posting about "wanting" to start her business. I keep on scrolling. It sounds nice, but that’s not what she truly wants.
“It is not enough to be busy. So are the ants. The question is: What are we busy about?
”
We all make time for what's important to us. Just don't lie to yourself. Don't tell yourself that you want XYZ but you won't make time or a way to get XYZ. If you ask me to help you lose 10 pounds, but you tell me that you don't have time to eat right or workout. I'm going to tell you that you don't want to lose 10 pounds. It sounds nice.
It helps to have a clear understanding what your goals are. Be very clear.
1.) Why do you want to do this?
2.) What do you have to give up for this goal?
3.) What won't you give up for this goal?
Don’t set goals based on what society thinks you should have or do. Set your own goals based on your desires.
One of my long term goals is to move to Fiji and open a bed and breakfast. During the off seasons, I want to teach the local children. Essentially, this is early retirement, but with fulfilling “work.” Living in a beautiful country and cooking delectable foods and embracing the locals. What a great job/retirement. If you’re ever in Fiji, you’ll have to come check me out! Your first two nights are on me : ) When you book, just use the code: BUSYISTHENEWBLACK
We all need time for ourselves. All work and no play is a sad boring life. We need good laughs with our friends. Date nights with ourselves and loved ones. Sleeping in every now and then and wearing our pajamas all day. This down time is needed. We all need a recharge. However, just like a battery, it’s pointless to recharge it if you never took it off the charger.
If you aren’t busy working towards your goals, what are you working towards? The next time you verbalize “I’m busy,” think if you are really busy or are you just going through the motions with busy work.
If you want to lose that 10 pounds or start that business or go back to school examine your weekly schedule. Where do you have at least thirty minutes to spare? I know you have more than thirty minutes, but lets starts there. The first two women that are serious about making some sort of change and are ready to get BUSY working on themselves, email me and I’ll gift a session to you.
Live. Love. Action
1. Examine your schedule: work/school & play for the past week to determine where your down time is.
2. Give yourself thirty minutes each day to just breathe and appreciate life.
3. Get busy living! No more busy work!
Narcissism or Self-Esteem??
I used to think I was a narcissist. People would tell me that my self-esteem was too high. I believed them for years. I took the basic definition of a narcissist, that I was consumed with self. Most people in their late teens are a little self-absorbed not to mention spoiled, so I wasn't truly concerned with the label. I went with it, but didn't internalize the negative traits associated with narcissism. Later I learned that those that were so “concerned” with my esteem merely were mirroring their issues on to me. It’s rare someone is going to tell you “I don’t fully like myself, and I’m uncomfortable with how comfortable you are with yourself.”
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Self-esteem is how you feel about yourself. Self-confidence is how you feel/think about your abilities. They go together like peanut butter and jelly. These feelings help you to subconsciously and consciously determine the things you do and the things you accept from others.
I love me some me. I celebrate my successes and my failures. I live by the thought if he or she can do it, so can I. They aren't any smarter than I. I really believe this.
“Because one believes in oneself, one doesn’t try to convince others. Because one is content with oneself, one doesn’t need others’ approval. Because one accepts oneself, the whole world accepts him or her.
”
I know I have faults (a long list), and I accept them. I know I'm not perfect, but rather perfectly imperfect. I don’t think I’m better than anyone, but I am equal to. My playing ground is level. I don't put anyone down or above me.
My parents used to tell me I was amazing and I could do ANYTHING I wanted. Guess what? I believed them. Still do! Adults uplift younger children and we even lie to them sometimes. You know that picture full of colorful squiggly lines that is “beautiful and amazing,” although we really don’t know what it is. Truly it doesn't matter what’s on that paper. That smiling face full of joy and excitement and pride is what matters. In time, the child will learn his or her strengths. Even if drawing isn't their strength, drawing may provide a great stress relief and become a passion. Side note: not every passion leads to purpose. However, in recognizing passion it helps lead us to our purpose.
“Parents need to fill a child’s bucket of self-esteem so high that the rest of the world can’t poke enough holes to drain it dry.
”
My parents would have dinner parties and allow me to sing for their guests. I cannot sing! Not at all! I would sing Whitney Houston's Greatest Hits and those guests would cheer me on, but I now know that I can't sing. Nothing changed from then to now, but those adults built me up. I can carry a tune, but that’s the extent of that. I love singing and I love music. It makes me feel great in good and bad times. I have a playlist on my iTunes entitled “pity party” whenever I was upset I would get five to ten minutes of listening to the best sad songs I've ever heard. I used to write songs and would/will make up a song and sing in a moment’s notice just to make someone smile. That’s my purpose…helping others find their happy.
“Hard work beats talent”
My Huni is a personal development coach aka personal trainer. He was working with this kid at a basketball camp. I remember he came home and nicknamed the kid "mission impossible." I ask about this kid weekly. I'm a sucker for the underdog, I want everyone to succeed. This is the 5th week and Huni says mission impossible has so much heart and drive that he puts in double the work to make up for the lack of natural ability.
Self-esteem...can
be evaluated simply? How much do I love me? A lot.....is a systematic response.
Answer it in terms of : I won't accept XYZ because I recognize my worth. I am
worth: unconditional love, fulfilling interpersonal relationships, satisfying
work, an abundance of money.
Anything less than your defined worth...is cheating yourself.
If you don't believe your true worth, the Universe won't believe you and certain things will be held from you. Exactly what you project will be returned to you. Want to stop dating losers...think higher of yourself. We attract what we are. Want a better job, produce better results. Don't allow yourself to just be content unless you truly are content. Contentment doesn't include complaining.
Again, anything you put your mind to you CAN do. You have to want to, believe you can, and get to work. Naysayers will forever attempt to instill their fear into us by distraction and saying that we can't do something. How we feel about ourselves impacts our interactions throughout life. How we view our successes and failures determines future failures and successes. Are you mission impossible or mission I AM POSSIBLE? Email me, I would love to know!
Live. Love. Action
1. Define your self-esteem?
2. Love yourself!
3. Examine how you may not be honoring your defined self-esteem.
Daily Affirmation: Changing my thoughts will be a breeze!
31 days of affirmations! How fast did this month go?
I end this series with: Changing my thoughts will be a breeze! Read it, believe it, receive it!
It all starts with our thinking, which leads to change. Such a simple, yet magnificent tool that we all embody.
An affirmation opens the door. It’s a beginning point on the path to change. Every thought you think and every word you speak is an affirmation.
— Louise Hay
I challenge you to pick your favorite affirmation and repeat it daily for the next 30 days. Email me or comment below on what that affirmation is. It doesn't even have to be one that I've shared with you. Just an affirmation that you know will lead to the change you desire in your life. I truly believe that we all deserve to be euphorically happy and live our passions, while making our dreams reality. What are you waiting on?
Positive thoughts will make magnificent changes in your life. If you know someone who could benefit from these affirmations, share away! Have a wonderful weekend!
Daily Affirmation: Own your story, trust your process
I own my story and trust my process, fully! Read it, believe it, receive it!
I often say "own your story and trust your struggle!" What does all that mean? Every situation, every circumstance, everything that makes you- you...own it!
Accept it! Embrace it! It's your story, it's not going anywhere. Forgive yourself and forgive others! I’m not going to lie and say that’s an easy task. However, you will forever be stuck, until you OWN it, even if it seems that you are moving forward.
Once you own that story, share it with others, share it often. Not everyone will appreciate your story, and guess what?!? That's fine! You will know who you feel comfortable and trust enough to share with. Healing will begin and change will ignite.
Then pick up that imaginary pen and keep writing and living. This time eliminate the pain, the fear, guilt, and anything that was holding you back. Learn from your own stories and mend the error in your thought process to avoid operator error in your upcoming chapters.
Own your story, trust your struggles. No pity parties. This isn't about all the wrongs, but how you can bring all the right! It's your social obligation to let your light shine.
Positive thoughts will make magnificent changes in your life. If you know someone who could benefit from these affirmations, share away!
Daily Affirmation: No more lies!
I let go of all the lies I tell myself. Read it, believe it, receive it!
Hunay!!!!
Let me repeat that one more time, just for myself. I let go
of all
the lies I tell myself.
I
stopped lying to myself "officially" in 2004. I'm a realist, so the
lies I
would tell myself were rationalizations.
I did
XYZ because XYZ happened or because XYZ did XYZ. Common of those that
play
victim and have difficulty accepting responsibility for their own
actions.
Adults do what they want to do.
Often
times we limit our thought process to believing that we have no
choice.
That's a lie. You may not want to do something so you
verbalize
that you can't. You may want to do it, but not bad enough. Some
things
you want, may require additional steps, which you aren't ready to
take.
"I can't quit my job."
Yes
you can. You would need to develop a plan:
What type of work would you like to do instead?
Determine an exit strategy
Replace the word “can’t” with:
I choose not to
I won’t
I don’t want to
I’ve decided not to
We lie to ourselves about people in our lives.
“I know he loves me although he has other women.”
“Aunt Loraine isn’t a drunk, she’s just animated.”
Healing emotional wounds requires you to get rid of denial that beautifies ugly truths of family history, relationships, and personal experience.
Positive thoughts will
make magnificent changes in your life. If you
know
someone who could benefit from these affirmations, share away!
Daily Affirmations: I trust myself to make great decisions
I trust myself to make great decisions! Read it, believe it, receive it! Positive thoughts will make magnificent changes in your life. If you know someone who could benefit from these affirmations, share away!
Daily Affirmation: Joy Overflows in my life
Joy overflows in my life. Read it, believe it, receive it! Yesterday we were radiating positive energy and today we have so much joy it overflows. How good does that feel to you? Close your eyes and imagine what makes you the happiest. Things that makes your soul smile and cry at the same time. You have that times infinity.
You can now share this joy and happiness with others.
You only have to believe that you are worthy of such experiences. I believe you are. Now just receive it!
Positive thoughts will make magnificent changes in your life. If you know someone who could benefit from these affirmations, share away!
Daily Affirmation: I radiate positive energy
I radiate positive energy. Read it, believe it, receive it! People often say, "I'm happy, I'm just not smiling." *I used to be one of those people* Years ago my friend asked her son, "are you happy?" He replied, "yes." She then instructed, "well smile, if you're happy." He smiled, I smiled,and she smiled. Children usually generate great positive energy. A young child can smile at us and all of life's worries are gone for those few seconds. A smile has nourishing properties. I make an effort to smile at everyone I see each day. Something as simple as a smile, can make a world of difference for someone with no hope. These interactions need to be genuine.
In order to radiate positive energy, you must come from a good place. You have to take care of yourself!!!
Love and accept yourself for where you are today.
Smile!
Be appreciative.
Pour into others, but leave enough for yourself.
Laugh often.
Today is the best day of your life. (Every day)
Laugh often. (No typo)
Don't give your power away!
Smile!
Positive thoughts will make magnificent changes in your life. If you know someone who could benefit from these affirmations, share away! Are you happy? Email me or let's discuss in the comments. Have a wonderful week!
