What's your worth

What's your worth?!? 

Priceless?

Or some amount no one could ever afford?

Society has implanted those responses into many of us. However, our actions deduct and deduct from this imaginary number that we hold ourselves to. 

Sometimes we accept things we truly don't deserve because we don't want others to be hurt (upset) *insert any rationalization that works* 

When I started doing online coaching my rates were low. Reasonable but low. These rates weren't tied to my self-esteem self-love or self-worth. Nope. They were just prices. 

I didn't think people would pay any more than that. Want to know why I thought that?!? 

Because I wouldn't pay any more than that. At that time anyway. Plus others charged similar. 

“The rules in life and business aren’t applicable to all. One does not fit all”

— Kimber Lee

My time and my knowledge were extremely discounted. 

The clients I attracted were okay. Some were awesome and others I dreaded the day and the times of our appointments. 

Cheap prices attract cheap people. 

People who weren't willing to do the work. 

Of course they didn't outright say it, but week after week it was another excuse. 

 For the record: I don't do well with excuses. Let's just be honest. I rather you tell me, "I thought it was dumb and I didn't do it." We can work through that. But excuses...nope..I don't have time. 

 Have you ever lowered your expectations for someone or something?!? How was the experience?!? Did you regret it? 

We have all settled. Don't even fix your pretty face to shake your head "not me," we all have.

I used to date this guy. Let's call him Ray. We met through mutual friends. Initially, I ignored him and played on my phone or talked to everyone but him. I wasn’t interested. I knew his type: charismatic, funny, but always had a new piece of eye candy (beautiful breathtaking women) on his arm. Women loved Ray and his charisma. He got along really well with everyone. Ray was okay, he was cute, but not fine. Everyone loved Ray.

You know the checklist women have of all the things they want a man to have?

Ray may have had 0.002 qualities on my list.

He was charming, funny, and nice.

Some where along the line I settled and gave him my number. I continually told him we couldn't date. I don't remember how long I kept telling him this because we clearly were dating. We were always spending time together.

He was nice & fun.

This man drove me crazy. He was clingy and annoying. When I couldn’t deal anymore I broke things off.

It was bad, like stalkerish always looking over my shoulder police protective order bad.

But Ray was nice and fun...he just didn’t respect my values. And somewhere along the line, I gave him the silent authority by settling.

I settled and had to deal with unnecessary drama.

Moving forward.

Earlier this year I worked with a branding coach and I paid her $250 for 30 minutes. Let me type that again...$250 for 30 minutes. I know you're thinking girl it wouldn't be me. I was thinking that too.

 When I tell you those 30 minutes made a dynamic shift in my business, that $250 was nothing. Now I do 15 minute free sessions and I know many women receive extreme value from them, but it's free so any value will be received. 

I had anxiety before meeting with this coach. And when I say anxiety, I mean I wanted to email her and cancel every day until my appointment that was scheduled two weeks out because she only did her laser sessions on Mondays.

Our session came and in 30 minutes as expected she rocked my world. 

I was already in the process of rebranding (from general life coaching to biz coaching & lifestyle design). So her process and insight were icing on the cake. 

 Even with all that, I still paid $250 for 30 minutes. 

Not even an hour. 

I thought who did she think she was?!?

Then I realized..she knows exactly who she is. She knows how long she wants to work with a client, she knows how much her time and value are worth, and she knows she can deliver on the value.

I started offering 15 min free sessions. (Remember I didn't want to work with just anyone that hit that paypal link anymore). 

I'm not for everyone. And Neither are you. So don't take things so personal some times. You know the times when you feel rejected. Be thankful in advance. 

“Rejection is God’s protection.”

Those 15 minute sessions changed everything. No more emails asking about my services (& all the info was already on the work with me page). People had me on the phone and the chemistry was there or it wasn't. Those sessions leveraged who I worked with and how I worked. 

Every month I set how many free sessions I would offer and had people to complete an application to be considered. 15 minutes we talked and we worked through whatever they wanted based upon the application. No strings attached. I didn't even pitch. 

Wanna know why?!?

I knew my worth and then they did too. I gave them my all in 15 minutes.

Those free sessions turned into client after client. 

I completely changed my monthly program. Where I used to work with people for 3 months to where they wanted to be. Now it's an Action Jackson packed month of WORK! I increased my monthly rate. If anyone tried to haggle me and they took advantage of the 15 minute call I'd take $100 off.  

Magic happened. 

I filled every spot that I had one month. Cool. Then another month. And then I had an overflow. 

It actually scared me. Like what the?!?

Mindset is something else.

I am booked through September (registration for October will be up mid September) for my unadvertised monthly program and at the new monthly rate. Less time, more money, and more fun. Magical. 

Pricing is something that will always be something personal, just as our worth. I can see you being mistreated and I can KNOW you deserve more and better. It means nothing, if you don’t agree & act on it. 

I stopped just accepting crumbs because I wanted to help everyone. I can't help everyone even though I always try. 

So as I've been doing the werk weds series. I've seen so many women that I want to win! I'm silently screaming BOO you got this!!! I got your back! Yet I see flaws in their branding, strategies, websites, and pricing. I want to email them and say hey boo fix XYZ and watch the transition. But I can't.

So what I did decide to do is: 

Offer a scholarship to work with me for $5 in August for one person. And that $5 will be donated to Divas, Inc. #payingitforward. The scholarship will be live August 5th and will continue each month until 2014 expires. 

Live. Love. Action

1. Regardless if you’re in biz or just wanting the best life…where are you giving discounts to others?

2. How do you feel afterwards?

3.  Do something this week for yourself to make a deposit into you. 

Self-development is scary

I'm in the process of restructuring KO. Oddly enough I work with more women in creating businesses than personal coaching. I get it building an empire is definitely sexier than working on you.

Yet, it actually confused me for some time. Like why wouldn't you want to be totally together and at peace. So many of us focus on everything else we can achieve first. We acknowledge the faults here and there but we don't go full force on what's needed to get rid of them. You know the saying, "we all have faults," stagnates many from ever working on anything within them. Please note that self-development extends further than just “faults.”

Example:

Shay has trust issues which she openly admits, but isn't willing to look at the source or even take the steps to rid herself of these issues. She signs up with me for biz coaching. Shay and I get her business running. Shay is really crushing it! I'm proud of her, she's proud!  Amazing opportunities start popping up left and right for her business. However, she doesn't believe that the opportunities are legit, based upon her own issues with not being able to trust people.  Subsequently, she misses out many times because she's doubtful and backdoor researching the opportunity.

Change is hard. I'll be the first to admit it's hard....really hard. Then to admit to another person that you need help with whatever *insert vice/fault is* OMG?!? I get it.

My bestie says I try to save everyone and I'm probably guilty as charged. Most people are okay with their chaos and guess what?!? I'm learning to be cool with everyone not wanting to be happy and at peace.  As Project Pat says, “[they] don't want to be saved.”
 I just know firsthand how GOOD life can be with it. Just like I would tell you what my favorite lipstick is and how amazing it is and keeps my lips moisturized, I want you to be happy and fulfilled. If you're reading this, you are definitely headed in the right direction. Anyone not interested in change on any level, wouldn’t read these type of posts. So Kudos to you! I hope you have your GPS on and set towards happiness, freedom, riches...whatever your desire(s) may be. Go ahead and put that desire in google directions, it isn't going to take you anywhere. Sorry sunshine! You will have to do some leg work.

Most don't want to put the work in. They want magic to occur. Happiness, freedom, and riches are all magical but they don't just fall out the sky because you're beautiful. Trust me...I have gazed at the sky many of days and at the most I was lucky to not have had a bird poop on me.

I often joke and say “Operation get my life right!” Operation get my life right is anytime I feel a shift that something in my life isn't aligned. Think of a car’s alignment, if you remove your hands off the steering wheel and if it shifts to the right or the left...you need an alignment.  If I stop doing my daily practices (gratitude, rest, play) then I begin to notice a shift and I need “Operation get my life right.” If I've had more cheat meals in a week then my clean eating regime...then it’s time for “Operation get my life right!”

Seems easy enough.  However, you will never know if you're shifting, if you've never been aligned with your core values and desires. When you begin working on the hard things is when you begin to create internal alignments. It takes time, but with love and patience, it happens.

No worries to my lovely ladies that are truly working on that core alignment. Personal coaching isn't going away, I just want you to be aware when you see some new things. Change can be so hard. ;) Inspirational posts will continue because that's just who I am...always trying to save someone ;)

The Kimber Lee Show: The Power of Gratitude

A few months back I was introduced to podcasts. What in the world is a podcast you ask? Basically audio, talking about any and everything. I mainly listen to business and self-help pods...go figure. When I created the mission impossible course, I used audio to accompany the program and the response was well received. There is something about the human voice that helps us to resonate with things.

I will warn you, the format will be very laid back. As a matter of fact I was driving as I recorded this episode and the "ums" are prevalent. However, if you're listening for those, you missed the true content. :)

This episode is entitled the power of gratitude. In the future episodes there will be interviews of phenomenal women throughout the world and a girl talk section, you know the things we only talk about with our girls and I'll invite some of my girls to chime in from time to time. It's always interesting when your most of your girls are therapists. Very interesting! The podcast is on itunes, just search The Kimber Lee Show if you want to subscribe. I’ll explain that process in time, but it’s really simple.  

Transparency

Transparency...I'm working on becoming more transparent on the blog. It's easier in person because I know who I'm talking to and typically am more compelled to share. Versus on the blog, I hit publish and thousands are privileged  to my mind, heart, vulnerabilities, and past experiences.  I know you're thinking, well just don't share, that's simple enough. However, it isn't that simple. I know that through sharing experiences and stories leads to healing of the recipient and the one sharing.

“A lack of transparency results in distrust and a deep sense of insecurity.



”

— Dalai Lama

I'm very thankful that I can consider myself a wounded healer. I've gone through many things, and I've survived. I don't play victim, I don't walk around angry, I don't place blame. I accept my reality for what it is. I'm very thankful for the lessons I've learned, no matter how many times it took to learn the lesson.

There are some women that will read this blog and we will never interact or work together, but they will resonate with things that I write about and share. And I'm here for them just as those that I serve. In working with majority of minority women, I've noticed most of us have a hard time dealing with self-help topics. It's easy to acknowledge "something" [what's your something(s)?]  but to become motivated to change that "something," and actually follow through is a whole 'nother story. We all know that lady that's always put together from the top of her head to that fresh pedicure on her toes, but she's a MESS inside. You may not know her, because she lays the polish on so well, she's mastered the role and is even convinced herself that she's together! But she's as put together as Humpty Dumpty after the fall!

I know her....I used to be her some years back. The facade was real. Prior to working on myself and actually aspiring to live the life I truly wanted, I bought my happiness. Whatever I wanted, I would get. I reasoned that I worked hard and I deserved it. And I did work hard, but I deserved happiness and my true desires fulfilled more.

Note: there's nothing wrong with treating yourself, do that! But love yourself and follow your dreams and passions like you lust over meaningless things.

I blocked out certain emotions that would cause me to look at parts of myself that I didn't want to deal with or remember situations I didn't want to address. I was emotionally unavailable and dated the unavailable and it became complicated when their emotions got involved and they realized how wonderful and amazing I was, because I truly didn't acknowledge my worth. I knew the basics, but not the full scale.  I had a lot to offer yet I still felt I wasn't enough...not being enough is a form of scarcity that so many people experience, yet no one talks about it..openly. 

So through my training, life experience, past pains, and the desire to be a change agent...I'm here...fully transparent and fearlessly authentic.

As I often say, "own your story, trust your struggle."

Cultivate your passion

I have a program Passion vs. Purpose, not a shameless plug, I promise. It's always interesting to watch others "find" their passions. Once it's broken down, the things we think we're passionate about are just mere things that just tickle our passion meter.

“Purpose is the reason you journey.  Passion is the fire that lights your way.”

I have an event planning business. I love party planning. The creativity behind creating one of a kind moments that will WOW people, and to leave an impact on the client. Our motto is "we plan, you party." This is where the drama begins. The average person can't afford an event planner. Want to know the science behind that? You don't need one. So those that can afford the planner forget that they want the planner to plan, it's as though they were put in office as a dictator. (Reason #1 why I don’t do weddings, that adds another level of crazy) This situation rips the freedom and creativity out of party planning, and for a lack of a better term, kills my vibe. Event planning is not a passion of mine. Just something I'm good at and I like to do on my terms. Once I learned this, I restructured my business. I offer consultations for ideas and to pick my brain for tips.  I don't advertise. Some business eh? When you're good, people will advertise for you. Just as I was typing this, I had a lady to call me requesting I do centerpieces for a wedding in May. But my true passions have my 2014 eventful. I'm not willing to "waste" my time organizing ideas, researching cheap and affordable materials, producing the centerpieces, and distributing them. The money could easily be worth it, but I'm not money driven, I'm passion driven. I referred her to an associate of mine. And guess what her passion is?

“Your work is to discover your work and then, with all your heart, to give yourself to it.”

Do you want to tickle your passion meter? Or do you want to submerge yourself fully and reap the full benefits. Stop using fillers and distractions to occupy temporary smiles, cultivate your passion.

“Only passions, great passions, can elevate the soul to great things.”

How do you find passions? Look at what you love to do, see, and think about. Write your passions out. 100 of them. Doesn't matter how silly or unrealistic, take some time and think of 100 things that you really like and love doing and seeing.

“Neglecting passion blocks creative flow.  When you’re passionate, you’re energized.  Likewise, when you lack passion, your energy is low and unproductive.  Energy is everything when it comes to being successful.”

Stop "following your passion," there's no freedom in occasionally taking a walk with your passion. Cultivate it!!! Learn about your passion, love it, nurture it, and help it to grow. Cultivate your passion. This is something you love, you wouldn't just merely walk behind your mate throughout life and wait for them to look back and wink at you from time to time. Hunay, now you know, you would NOT stand for that. Some passions take foreplay, have fun with it, be consistent, and that euphoric happiness will come. ;)

Everyone should have at least one thing that makes thing super duper excited that they have to share with the world and can talk about it forever with anyone. Sad thing is, most people don’t. No worries, we all have the ability, sometimes diamonds just need to be dusted off and cleaned before they can shine their brightest. Remember in the 8 Ways to Get Your Life I talked about Maslow’s Hierachy of Needs? Passion is hard to focus on if the physiological, safety, love/belonging, and esteem haven’t been reached yet. And again, no worries, if you want to get to happy, it’s all possible.  Passion and happiness are interconnected.  

Live. Love. Action

1. Tell someone you haven't told all week that you love them.

2. Write 100 of your passions.

3. Email them to me (Kimber@kimberleeonline.com) and we'll complete a passion inventory together.

ABC’S of Self Love

Just as the alphabet is the foundation for words, sentences, communication, and education. These ABC’s of self-love are the foundation for a euphoric life full of joy.

A is for Acceptance. Accept yourself as you are TODAY!

B is for Be Kind. Be Kind to yourself.

C is for Cultivate. Cultivate your truth.

D is for Distance. Distance yourself from things and people that don't bring you joy.

E is for Evaluate. Every 90 days do a self-evaluation. Are current actions getting you to where you want to  be in life? Are they aligned with your truth? 

F is for Feelings. Allow yourself to feel an array of emotions. If your sad, it's ok, embrace it. Too many times we hide emotions to appease others or because society has taught us just to be "happy," and content. 

G is for Gravitate. Gravitate towards your North Star. What’s leading you in life?

H is for Humility. “Clarity and consistency are not enough: the quest for truth requires humility and effort.”
I is for Invest. Invest in yourself. Not just a pair of shoes and a Pedi, but things that will enhance the quality of your life, i.e. personal trainer, life coach. 

J is for Joy. “Comparison is the thief of joy.” 

K is for Keep. Keep your head up beautiful.  

L is for Love. Love yourself enough to not compromise yourself 

M is for Move on! 

N is for Nurture. Nurture your strengths! 

O is for Own. Own your truth! 

P is for Protect. Protect your insecurities. 

Q is for Question. Question things and situations until you gain clarity. 

R is for Respect. Respect yourself! 

S is for Sexy. Preserve your sexy! 

T is for Transparency. Be transparent and allow others to see your inner light.

U is for understanding. Seek to understand, then to be understood. 

V is for voids. Fill the voids.

W is for worth. Know your worth! 

X is for excitement (ehhh).  

Y is for youth.

Z is for Zest.  Find your Zest, things and people that bring you excitement and enjoyment.

Story time

via

We all love stories. From action packed movies to scripted reality TV. The moment one of our girlfriend's say "Girl...you aren't going to believe this..." we are tuned in. I have shared a few stories with you to let you know that whatever is in the back of your closet, let it out! It can't hurt you ever again, unless you're ok with those unwanted memories....I will caution that if you have experienced or suspect that you may have ever been physically or sexually abused, a trained therapist is a must.

Not everyone will appreciate your story, and guess what?!? That's fine! You will know who you feel comfortable and trust enough to share with. Own your story, trust your struggle. No pity parties. This isn't about all the wrongs, but how you can bring all the right! It's your social obligation to let your light shine. 

Once you understand the importance of a story, you realize that you, the author of your life, have control of the upcoming chapters. You will connect and realize that you may co-author others stories and the realization will help you decide to how you want to be involved in these stories, if at all.

Stories explore experiences. We all have them- good and bad. They are our makeup just as our DNA. By sharing stories we invite others into our worlds. I invite you into my world and hope that one day you too will extend that invitation to me.

Experience is a wonderful teacher.

Cultivate your truth!

What is your truth? It's all you have honey. 

Who are you? 

What are your strengths? 

What are your weaknesses? 

What are your values? 

What are your boundaries?

What do you stand for? 

What three things enhance your happiness? (Do more of that!) 

What skeletons are left in your closet? (Clean that closet out!) 

Who hurt you?

How have you hurt?

Who do you love? 

Who loves you? 

What's the last lie you told? 

What relationship plagues you the most? 

What relationship makes your soul happy?

Who do you need to apologize to?

What apology are you waiting on?

What do people depend on you for?

What do you depend on others for? 

What do you aspire to become?

Only 2% reading this will answer those questions thoughtfully and truthfully. 

Cultivating your truth means getting to know yourself fully. Knowing your grounds and the base of every thought, decision, and action. This is done through awareness (questions above) and acceptance. Once you've accepted your truth (the good, the bad, and the ugly) cultivate it as you would a small child. 

Communicate this is my truth....”I am”...! Whatever “I am” is.It will either bring you peace or discomfort.

If the "I am" brings you discomfort, those are parts of your truth that you should work on. Cultivate your truth! Seek to nurture and learn as much about yourself each day. 

Every decision you make is based on your truth. Not your mama's, not your daddy's, not that man that left you, not the man you left, not your kids, not your pastors, but yours! 

What's your truth? 

The day I realized I needed to get my life in order

I was dating an attached man and I was deliberating whether or not I should tell his lady about me and the other women. Straight foolishness.

I went back and forth on how she NEEDED to know what a jerk he was. How I know intimate details of their life. How he betrayed me. (I'm laughing as I type this...growth is everything, you hear me?) I wrote the letter and I cried. I even had issues with the other "other" women. From the outside looking in, I was together and everything was all good. I was a Knock Out! No boo, I was a fall out! 

My mindset was so screwed up. I didn't want to be in a relationship because of past pain, although I lied to myself it wasn't the pain, I just wasn't ready, and I was "living life."  I stopped talking to this man despite his multiple attempts to win me back. It took me a few times of being "done," with him before I actually was done. They say women break up with men a multitude of times before we actually leave. I learned so many lessons from this situation. I identified characteristics about myself that I didn't like. I learned that the things that we usually can’t stand about someone else are dormant in us. All the other “other” women and his lady were stupid, but in some way I wasn't. Growth, I tell you, growth! For months I waited on an apology. I thought that this apology would be life changing.

“Life becomes easier when you learn to accept an apology you never got.”

— Robert Brault

When I finally received the apology, it enraged me a little. I don’t doubt the apology was genuine, but I expected more. I wanted the apology to take away all the hurt and disappointment and repair me. The apology was simply words out of the mouth of someone I now viewed as a liar. I forgave him. Then I forgave myself. It took longer to forgive myself, but the day I did, I felt renewed. Affairs are always so juicy on television. When the script is finished the casts go back to their own lives, whatever that may be. I never sent the letter in case you were wondering. 

The day you realize(d) you need(ed) to get your life together may not be as  dramatic and messy as mine was. I'm actually praying it isn't. We all have awakenings, but do we always wake up after these?

Intuition will forever and always be a woman's safety net. However, we lie to ourselves. And I don't mean just with relationships. These lies are often beautified by the word rationalization. We rationalize why things aren't that bad. We rationalize why we can't take the leap of faith. We rationalize why we can't lose 10 pounds. We rationalize why we allow others to mistreat us. We rationalize why we can't apply for a better position.

I can go on and on, but you know the things you rationalize.

Stop lying to yourself! You will create a false reality. You can't live in this false reality for long and will create unnecessary stress, worry, and anxiety. This is no way to live. No one else cares about this lie, but you.

Here are some ways to stop lying yourself:

1. Make a decision that you want to stop lying to yourself.

2. Take responsibility before you begin to rationalize your behavior and (or) thoughts.

3. Examine past lies and see if there is a pattern.

4. Love yourself.

5. Realize that any situation that you have to lie to yourself about or hide from others, it's not an ideal situation for your life. 

Later this week, I'll be sending you a guide on 8 ways to get your Life! True and tested ways to jump start getting your life together or simply helping you lead the life of your desires. Make sure you're on the email list, as it's exclusive to email subscribers.

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My first love

Do you remember your first love? I do.

I was in my twenties. I thought I had found love before, but it wasn't that unconditional fairy tale love that Disney prepares all little princesses for. I had known this person forever, but I didn't always like them. Oddly enough, as I learned more and more about my love, this attraction developed. Feelings that I never experienced were ignited. Smiles that I had never even seen were formed. Impulsive decisions that I would once make, now I would consider my love and the impact it would have. Little things that once annoyed me were now okay. Hanging out and doing nothing with my love became my favorite thing to do. I would write little love notes and plan special dates. I tried to keep this love affair a secret, but it was written all over my face. One day I looked in the mirror and realized I had fallen in love with myself.

“A loving person lives in a loving world. A hostile person lives in a hostile world. Everyone you meet is your mirror.”

— Ken Keyes

I don’t want to portray that I didn’t fully like myself prior to this or even that I had poor self-esteem. I just didn’t love myself fully. People are conditioned to say “yes, I like myself,” or even “of course I love myself.” However their actions scream a different response. I thought I loved myself. I was confident. I knew I was beautiful. Hunay, you couldn’t tell me I wasn’t cute. I was beautiful on the outside and frumpy on the inside. When I learned to truly love myself and put the same efforts into loving myself as I would another person, I blossomed. Just as a caterpillar emerging from its cocoon into a beautiful butterfly. I had a new glow. I looked in the mirror and suddenly, I was the most gorgeous I have ever looked. My smile was radiating and my aura cascading. Just being around me was a different experience.

“Loving yourself…does not mean being self-absorbed or narcissistic, or disregarding others. Rather it means welcoming yourself as the most honored guest in your own heart, a guest worthy of respect, a lovable companion.”

— Margo Anand

Others may mistake this self-love as conceit or narcissism, but that’s so far-fetched. Self-love should exert the same nurturing energy and attention as we exert for our children, mates, families, and friends.

Society screams that we should love ourselves, but how? There aren't classes in school for emotional development. Society does not teach us to love ourselves, but merely loathe ourselves. I'm going to list a few ways to help you love yourself more.

Ways to make love to yourself more

1. Forgive yourself.

2. Forgive others.

3. Stop criticizing yourself from today forward.

4. Take responsibility for your actions and decisions.

5. Be kind to yourself.

6. Respect yourself.

7. Write love letters to yourself describing the things you love about yourself.

8. Accept compliments from others.

9. Accept yourself as you are today.

10. Replace negative thoughts with positive affirmations.

11. Celebrate your accomplishments, even the small ones.

Usually I go in details, but I want this to resonate, as it takes time. Even if you just re-read the list a few times to get it into your subconscious, will be one step toward your euphoria.

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