New project alert: Dreamer's Paradise Podcast

I'm a dreamer. Head in the clouds full of dreams, plans to save the world and truly make a difference. This is why I understand my clients so well. Those big dreams usually come with lots of reservations. And not the fancy 5 star restaurant reservations. But the can I really do this reservations. Hell yeah you can! 

Then I'm a huge fan/supporter of women crushing it! Women who choose themselves and make their own way on their own terms. 

I've started a new project, you read that right, another project: Dreamers Paradise. It's a podcast, audio through iTunes. I'm interviewing women of color who have created their dream lives through business and other passion based methods. The show will go live 9/9/14. New episodes will launch every Tuesday. The conversations are very candid, inspirational, transformational. I have them to break down their stories and process, because stories are so powerful in learning about a person. 

These ladies are phenomenal and doing amazing things in our world. I've recorded a few episodes already and can't wait until I can share them with you! 

Life Happens

I was talking to my cousin the other day, and I said, "yeah I told XYZ s(he) should go to therapy." 

My cousin replied, "you tell everyone to go to therapy." 

I started to feel offended as if she was discounting what I said. 

In my mind, I thought, "no I just told you that, so you think I say that to everyone." 

I didn't say it, but I was thinking it. 

Hey girl hey if you're reading. :) Love you boo.

So I replied, "No I only tell people who need to go." Then I changed the subject. 

I think therapy is amazing!

What therapist doesn't think its amazing?!? Forgive me for being partial. 

I've been to therapy twice. Both experiences were awkward. The first time I was in high school and I thought my therapist was a clown. [I’m an adult and still know her & still think she's a clown] Not all therapists are created equally. 

I only saw her once and thought therapy was for suckers.  

The second time I was in grad school. It's always suggested that counseling students go to therapy to resolve their own issues and understand how it feels to go to therapy. 

This time I had an array of emotions and thoughts. Aside from going for the experience, I was going THROUGH some stuff.  

I knew I had high resilience and was dealing with it, but I was still going THROUGH. I was honest with her. Extremely honest. 

I just didn't want her to diagnose me.

Granted I knew she had to diagnose me, because the insurance companies don't pay just "because." 

So I asked her what my diagnosis was. 

She was shocked. I explained to her that with everything I was going through, I was handling it. I'll never forget it was as if I were in front of a judge pleading my case. First I had just bared my soul to this woman for 60 minutes. Then for 10 minutes I'm in lawyer mode. [Therapy is generally 45-60 minutes, but the first session can be longer depending…]

She said, “baby, you're going to be an amazing therapist, and you know what?”

I teared up, “what?”

She replied: Life happens. 

I smiled and wiped my teary eyes. 

That session changed my whole thought process of therapy.

That one session was all I needed. 

Things happen to people. Some horrible things. Some not so horrible things. Some people can deal with it. Others get stuck. Some try to move on but leave it unresolved. 

Those that leave it unresolved are those that I recommend to go to therapy. 

When issues go unresolved for long periods of time it becomes like an internal 6 car pile up. The clean up isn't as easy as if there were just one car, even two. The bigger pile ups usually have a web of onlookers, witnesses, and bystanders. Someone is hurting, if not dead. And since this an internal pile up, the hurt person is the one with the unresolved issues and the pain can feel as if they lost a piece of their soul. 

These are the people I tell to go to therapy. Because life does happens. Sometimes its out of our control. Other times we’re the ring leader of our own crazy circus. We all go through things. Some things as we were children and some as adults.

How we navigate through these things determines our resiliency. 

When doing life coaching I always assess where my ladies are. Even my business ladies. Being stuck is an easy thing to get over. We can work through that in coaching. Everyone gets stuck. The thing about being stuck is it's easy to self identify. 

Ignoring and acting as if everything is okay without processing and healing leads to unresolvement. 

Unresolved issues are deeply embedded and are a distant memory. The pain pushes it into the subconscious portion of our brains. You know they say denial is one hell of a drug. Indeed it is. 

Are there areas of your life where you are stuck or are you walking on the broken glass of unresolvement? 

Life happens to us all. Life is so beautiful and rich when we are actively LIVING not just existing and working through.

Pink Lemonade Stand: Fostering Entrepreneurship in Girls

When you think of summer you think of children playing outdoors, vacations, barbecues, and generally a good time! At least I know I do. Many people think refreshing sweet tea and fresh lemonade. 

Mid winter I wanted fresh lemonade and thought how I would have the Diva groups start lemonade stands. Then I thought teach them to truly create a lemonade stand or whatever their creative minds can conjure up. An idea was born...

I am hosting a virtual Lemonade Stand for young girls next month through my nonprofit organization, Divas, Inc. It's fostering entrepreneurship in young girls and those young girls at hearts. 

We are in a choose yourself era, where you can make your dreams come true. You don't have to wait for someone to discover how amazing you are. You discover how amazing you are and you act on it. You create the things that you want and dream of, instead of PASSIVELY waiting. 

There are sooooo many gatekeepers and naysayers that prevent people from believing in themselves. There used to be a time when people had to convince others to believe in them, but these days people don't even believe in themselves. 

Societies and parents are on auto repeat "go to school, make good grades, and go to college." Even though it's proving that college degrees aren't keeping these student from being under-employed and on the long list of the unemployed. I will applaud the efforts to encourage girls to explore fields that have been traditionally considered male jobs. I'm all for furthering your education if thats what YOU want to do. 

However, I still rarely see girls being encouraged to be entrepreneurs. The purpose of the workshop is truly to encourage creativity and belief that if they dream big and work towards an established goal...they can make it happen. The event is open to girls 5 years old to 17 years old. We will create, have fun, create some more, chit chat, create and cultivate dream(ers). 

I have solicited local positive female entrepreneurs to assist with the activities and empowerment. I will keep you updated.  

How are you choosing yourself?

What filter are you wearing?

We experience life through a filter. Our filter comes from experience or lack thereof.

None of us will EVER have the privilege of being able to have the option of having the same exact filter as someone else.

That's pretty awesome when you think about it. We have something that no one else will EVER have. Even if we explain if to them, they still won't see it the SAME as us because we can't merely box our entire story and life into a box to explain how the filter even developed.

We all get caught up in our own lives, that we forget this.

Everyone you encounter receives you through the filter of where they currently are.  (tweet this)

Their lens may be dirty, scratched, cracked, shiny, blue....you get it. Don't take it personal. It's never personal.

Our filters come out through thoughts, opinions, and actions.

Ever notice how a person with a guilty conscience acts?!? They automatically assume you mean things based upon their dirty filter.

So when you share your big glorious dreams with people and they don’t respond with excitement, don’t take it personal.

When someone judges you based upon your choices, don’t take it personal.

They are looking through their filter. It isn’t meant to harm you or shy you away, it’s to protect you, as far as they’re concern.

Unless they are just negative nancy’s that need a complete filter transport or a high five across the face.

We usually aren’t offended by negative people that don’t mean anything to us or those whose opinions we devalue. With that said it may be time to rid yourself of those people. Or on a lighter note add another filter just for them: You won’t discuss things with them, where you know they won’t respond honestly and unbiased.

Common filters:

1. Everyone should go to college.
2. Everyone should get married.
3. Men should (insert what you believe)
4. Women should (insert what you believe)
5. Failure is the worst thing ever.
6. Only strangers rape/sexual assault
7. The early bird gets the worm.
8. Working for the government is true financial security. 
9. Everyone should purchase a home. 
10. *Insert your own.*

And sometimes it’s hard for all of us to be honest and unbiased, so be gentle. Just like with vision, our filters can be altered and improved. Instead of buying glasses and contacts and having an exam, take the initiative to "clean” any filter that you have that isn’t quite 20/20.

Live. Love. Action. 

1. Detach yourself from the criticism given. It's normal to feel happy when you're celebrated and defensive when criticized. 

2. Subtract their filter and find the part of the advise/statement that was helpful. 

3. Don't take it personal. 

What does Multi-Passionate even mean?!?

This is the age of new words and phrases. Selfie has made it to the dictionary. It shows the power of social media. Kinda empowering when you sit back and think about it. 

Enough about that. So you might know or notice I say multi-passionate a lot. I'm not sure what I used before. 

Multi passionate simply means, you are passionate about many things.

Isn't that all of us?!?

It's most people I know. Many people will tell you to focus on one thing. Don't listen to them! Unless one thing is your thang! 

My entire life I have loved several things. I'm oneof those people that seems to be ALL over the place but insanely passionate about ALL this stuff. 

Multi passionates often get stuck. Between dream killers & gate keepers questioning logic or plans. When you love more than one thing it's hard to get started. 

Good news: you don't have to solely pick one. But you do have to START.

My advice: just start. 

Don't worry how it looks. You can make changes. Yeah you're allowed to change your mind without the dreaded four words from the dream killers "I told you so." 

Change doesn't mean failure. It means change. & guess what some pretty amazing things come out of failure. Embrace change & failure...or get used to being average and mediocre.

Someone had to tell you. I'm no dream killer or gatekeeper. I'm you're number one dream chaser dressed in a cheer leader uniform with your name all over it, if you're serious about those passions. 

If not, then I'm just this crazy sexy cool biz coach that hangs out online. 

Three amazing things about multi-passionates: 

1. We're creative idea generators. Hence they call me the brainstorming bombshell. 

2. Our energies and passion are contagious. 

3. We are great thinkers. 

4. And just because of the rebel I am...the fourth is we are experts with many talents. AKA Polymath. If you don't feel you are an expert YET, you need to get started. 

Girl boss or Leadhers?

I saw this hashtag on Instagram a few weeks back. Then discovered it was a title of a book. Founder of Nasty Gal. I haven't checked to see if the library has a copy yet. I wouldn't buy it, definitely would have to be a library share or borrow. 

Earlier I posted a quote on Instagram as I typically do and I used the hashtag #girlboss it made me think how the term boss doesn't sit well with me. I'm big on words & what we speak out of our mouths. 

I want to be a leader. I am a leader. Natural born. 

Mya Angelou passed last week and she was a leader. Oprah is a leader. True innovaters leading to change. Who remembers bosses?!? Most people don't even like their boss. I remember I used to always correct a supervisor when he would introduce himself as my boss. No boo, you're my supervisor. No one is my boss...I control me. 

Words are simply words. I get it. Maybe my rebellion was just showing out.

But words have meanings that we've all grown to know. Isn't that why we had vocabulary in elementary? It wasn't enough for us to spell them correctly; we had to know what they meant, and how to use them correctly.

Remember you're striving for a purposeful life. 

Here are some words I avoid using: Can't. Hope. 

Can't- unless it's not humanly possible, then I won't say "can't"...I may need to say I don't want to...or I don't want to try. Those tend to be more accurate. 

Hope-hope is a contradiction. Instead of believing we insert a bit of uncertainty. "I hope you have a good day." Eliminate the possibility of the negative and state "have an amazing day!" Or "I hope this happens..." You don't have faith that it will occur when you say hope.

According to the authors of Words Can Change Your Brain:

By holding a positive and optimistic [word] in your mind, you stimulate frontal lobe activity. This area includes specific language centers that connect directly to the motor cortex responsible for moving you into action. And as our research has shown, the longer you concentrate on positive words, the more you begin to affect other areas of the brain. Functions in the parietal lobe start to change, which changes your perception of yourself and the people you interact with. A positive view of yourself will bias you toward seeing the good in others, whereas a negative self-image will include you toward suspicion and doubt. Over time the structure of your thalamus will also change in response to your conscious words, thoughts, and feelings, and we believe that the thalamic changes affect the way in which you perceive reality.

So not only am I a leader. I am a leadHER and I'm all for EmpowHERment. 

What one word should you stop using?!? Let me know over on Facebook. 

Virtual Passion Party

Remember a few weeks ago, I was playing around with the idea of a passion party?!? I think the idea is pretty awesome and supportive. 

It would be the first Thursday of every month at 9pm until Scandal comes back on. ;) Starting June 5, 2014. Our first passion party. 

Celebrate the wins for the previous month & goals for the current month. It's a party it's a party!!! 

You'll call into a line. I'll be there [you + some other awesome ladies] and we'll chat it up about goals, dreams, and passions. A mini support session within the community of crazy sexy cool creatives. Maybe even a little girl talk if we have time. Gain access here. I'll send you the phone number and access code. 

Who is on your money team?

We all have that one girlfriend that we can call on no matter what! Doesn't matter the time or topic. We don't have to even think about her judging us or telling another soul. She is our personal piece of heaven on earth. 

When it comes to our BIG dreams and goals, sometimes our girl just isn't who we need to talk to. She will want the best for us, but she's not holding us accountable for our stuff. You know really calling us out on our stuff when we don't complete the things that will take us to where we ultimately want to be. 

In order to succeed you need to place yourself amongst those you view as successful. 

“You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with. ”

— Jim Rohn

I have distanced myself from people over the past few years for the following reasons: 

1.) I'm really busy trying to change the world. 

2.) I don't have time for gossip & negative energy. 

3.) I'm seeking genuine connections to aide in the projects I'm working on.

4.) Not everyone understands the hustle and sometimes I just don't feel like explaining WHY I work as hard for my dreams. 

When I first heard of the “Money Team,” I giggled. Floyd Money Mayweather is a boxer who has coined his support system as The Money Team. Each member is successful and hard working. We can’t deny their work or hustle. A little unorthodox and crazy, but successful and hard working never the less. 

When developing your money team you need someone that's objective and honest. They aren't going to agree with all ideas and practices just because they like you. You want honest feedback and suggestions. We all grow from criticism. 

Benefits of your money team: 

Your money team will be there for you to bounce ideas off of. 

This team will actively seek opportunities that benefit you. 

This team wants you to win just as bad as you want to breathe. 

You have to want it as bad as you want to breathe. 

There's no competition within this team. As the love and support is reciprocal. As they are helping and guiding you, you are doing the same for them. 

This team could be comprised of two or more people. You could meet weekly via phone, email, a Facebook group, or Skype. You all decide. Your team will be a mastermind group that is exclusive to sharing your dreams, goals, and desires. Perfect for go getters who may get sluggish from time to time. 

Weekly review what tasks each person needs to complete to get a step closer to their desired goal. 

Come up with systems that work for you, share them. Encourage them to do the same. 

Your team could be compromised of people doing similar things or different. The important factor is you are all actively pursuing your goals, dreams, and passions. 

This team will be your pick me up when you're feeling discouraged and feel like you're stuck and all the work or actions you're putting forth are in vain. They will be there to celebrate your mini and humongous successes. 

We all need support. Success is usually very lovely. It doesn't have to be that way for you, unless you want it. If you find some one that has impeccable drive that you admire shoot them an email or message asking if they are in a mastermind or have an accountability partner. Give them a few sentences on what you do and wait for their response. 

Boom! It's that simple. 

I was thinking...no I can't be your accountability partner...you know I would love to...but I truly cant. I am however thinking about having a free monthly call where we all can celebrate whatever. Call it a passion party. So once a month for an hour hop on a group conference line and chat it up about goals, dreams, and passions. Maybe even a little girl talk if we have time. Still playing around with the idea, but I'm always up for a good passion party. Let me know on Facebook, if you would attend. 

Quarter Two Living

Quarter Two starts today..are you ready?!? I know you aren't a coaster, you know someone just coasting through life, and these goals and dreams that you have are attached to completion dates. Naturally, I'm not a very organized person, so the thought of completion dates and quarters used to intimidate me a little. Coasting was cool in the 90's, but what car doesn't offer cruise control now? Get it? Coasting…cruise control, it was funny the first time I typed it. 

Unless you're okay with how your life is this very moment and are perfectly okay (hey grammar police I did that on purpose) with living today over and over for the next 30 plus years, by all means keep dreaming and creating goals that you'll never take action on. Thinking about doing is not doing...it's just thinking. 

Some people plan for the entire year. My mind doesn't work well under large constraints. 90 days is a push, but I know it's imperative to my success. I've completed all my Quarter 1 goals. Woop! woop! Wanna know how I did it?!? I lived intentional. 

We all have things we want. Write them down. Stop storing everything in your mind and you'll decrease some stress, worry, and improve your sleep. That's the psychologist in me, I apologize. ;) 

Determine how long it will take to get what you want. 

If you want a new pair of red bottoms, don't feel silly or bad, that's what you want. But figure out a plan on how to get them. So you might be thinking, well duh!?! Swipe my credit card. *clears throat* if another goal on that list is to save more money or get out of debt, you have a big of a contradiction, but no worries. 

This is why you write it down, so you can process it and come up with alternatives. 

You want the shoes and to save money (or eliminate debt) [Sn: be super specific and note how much money and print out the shoes or keep the magazine ad so you can see it often. This helps PUSH you to get what you want]. 

Live. Love. Action. 

1. What are three goals for quarter two? 

2. How can you achieve these goals in 90 days? 

3. Will it truly take 90 days for completion? Be honest!

Write it down. Only 3% do and then are more likely to achieve their goals. Write it now!

Self-development is scary

I'm in the process of restructuring KO. Oddly enough I work with more women in creating businesses than personal coaching. I get it building an empire is definitely sexier than working on you.

Yet, it actually confused me for some time. Like why wouldn't you want to be totally together and at peace. So many of us focus on everything else we can achieve first. We acknowledge the faults here and there but we don't go full force on what's needed to get rid of them. You know the saying, "we all have faults," stagnates many from ever working on anything within them. Please note that self-development extends further than just “faults.”

Example:

Shay has trust issues which she openly admits, but isn't willing to look at the source or even take the steps to rid herself of these issues. She signs up with me for biz coaching. Shay and I get her business running. Shay is really crushing it! I'm proud of her, she's proud!  Amazing opportunities start popping up left and right for her business. However, she doesn't believe that the opportunities are legit, based upon her own issues with not being able to trust people.  Subsequently, she misses out many times because she's doubtful and backdoor researching the opportunity.

Change is hard. I'll be the first to admit it's hard....really hard. Then to admit to another person that you need help with whatever *insert vice/fault is* OMG?!? I get it.

My bestie says I try to save everyone and I'm probably guilty as charged. Most people are okay with their chaos and guess what?!? I'm learning to be cool with everyone not wanting to be happy and at peace.  As Project Pat says, “[they] don't want to be saved.”
 I just know firsthand how GOOD life can be with it. Just like I would tell you what my favorite lipstick is and how amazing it is and keeps my lips moisturized, I want you to be happy and fulfilled. If you're reading this, you are definitely headed in the right direction. Anyone not interested in change on any level, wouldn’t read these type of posts. So Kudos to you! I hope you have your GPS on and set towards happiness, freedom, riches...whatever your desire(s) may be. Go ahead and put that desire in google directions, it isn't going to take you anywhere. Sorry sunshine! You will have to do some leg work.

Most don't want to put the work in. They want magic to occur. Happiness, freedom, and riches are all magical but they don't just fall out the sky because you're beautiful. Trust me...I have gazed at the sky many of days and at the most I was lucky to not have had a bird poop on me.

I often joke and say “Operation get my life right!” Operation get my life right is anytime I feel a shift that something in my life isn't aligned. Think of a car’s alignment, if you remove your hands off the steering wheel and if it shifts to the right or the left...you need an alignment.  If I stop doing my daily practices (gratitude, rest, play) then I begin to notice a shift and I need “Operation get my life right.” If I've had more cheat meals in a week then my clean eating regime...then it’s time for “Operation get my life right!”

Seems easy enough.  However, you will never know if you're shifting, if you've never been aligned with your core values and desires. When you begin working on the hard things is when you begin to create internal alignments. It takes time, but with love and patience, it happens.

No worries to my lovely ladies that are truly working on that core alignment. Personal coaching isn't going away, I just want you to be aware when you see some new things. Change can be so hard. ;) Inspirational posts will continue because that's just who I am...always trying to save someone ;)