3 ways to be more authentic

Authentic is the new keeping it real. You know when people say, "I'm just keeping it real," as if everything before that statement was a facade.

I started this year with the theme of being authentically me. I then added a level to be more transparent.

The funny thing about it all, I stripped back layers of myself to just be more of myself.

No chasers. No filters. just Kimber lee.

3 ways to be more authentic

1. Get very clear on your values.

Once you know what your values are those will immediately create boundaries for you to act out of.

2. Don't do anything that you don't want to do.

I've always been a bit of a rebel and a natural leader.

Yet there are times where I would do things for others or go places because someone else wanted me to. No more. If I really don't want to do something that I don't want to, I don't.

Often things that we condition ourselves to believe are obligatory are not.

So no more wasted energy dreading events or projects that I didn't want to attend/participate in.

The power of no is incredible. Now don't just be a jerk, but do what makes you happy. And people will tell you that it's selfish and you should budge.

Funny how you're selfish for not doing what others want you to do instead of what you really want to do.

Do what makes you feel good.

That's the thing with being authentically you. It's about you and that's okay.

3. Make no apologies for who you are and who you aren't.

At this point in life, we know our strengths and weaknesses. Make no apologies for either.

If you intentionally hurt someone shame on you.

If by accident, apologize. I promise it takes nothing from you, and it was an accident.

If there's an area in your life that you know you need to improve on. Do it on your terms when you're ready.

You can only FLOURISH when you're ready.

So when you're ready to embrace your flaws, weaknesses, and scars embrace them.

Don’t like them? Do something about it.

That’s the funny thing about being authentic, you are just being you.

No bells or whistles. No filters. Just you.

Transparency

Transparency...I'm working on becoming more transparent on the blog. It's easier in person because I know who I'm talking to and typically am more compelled to share. Versus on the blog, I hit publish and thousands are privileged  to my mind, heart, vulnerabilities, and past experiences.  I know you're thinking, well just don't share, that's simple enough. However, it isn't that simple. I know that through sharing experiences and stories leads to healing of the recipient and the one sharing.

“A lack of transparency results in distrust and a deep sense of insecurity.



”

— Dalai Lama

I'm very thankful that I can consider myself a wounded healer. I've gone through many things, and I've survived. I don't play victim, I don't walk around angry, I don't place blame. I accept my reality for what it is. I'm very thankful for the lessons I've learned, no matter how many times it took to learn the lesson.

There are some women that will read this blog and we will never interact or work together, but they will resonate with things that I write about and share. And I'm here for them just as those that I serve. In working with majority of minority women, I've noticed most of us have a hard time dealing with self-help topics. It's easy to acknowledge "something" [what's your something(s)?]  but to become motivated to change that "something," and actually follow through is a whole 'nother story. We all know that lady that's always put together from the top of her head to that fresh pedicure on her toes, but she's a MESS inside. You may not know her, because she lays the polish on so well, she's mastered the role and is even convinced herself that she's together! But she's as put together as Humpty Dumpty after the fall!

I know her....I used to be her some years back. The facade was real. Prior to working on myself and actually aspiring to live the life I truly wanted, I bought my happiness. Whatever I wanted, I would get. I reasoned that I worked hard and I deserved it. And I did work hard, but I deserved happiness and my true desires fulfilled more.

Note: there's nothing wrong with treating yourself, do that! But love yourself and follow your dreams and passions like you lust over meaningless things.

I blocked out certain emotions that would cause me to look at parts of myself that I didn't want to deal with or remember situations I didn't want to address. I was emotionally unavailable and dated the unavailable and it became complicated when their emotions got involved and they realized how wonderful and amazing I was, because I truly didn't acknowledge my worth. I knew the basics, but not the full scale.  I had a lot to offer yet I still felt I wasn't enough...not being enough is a form of scarcity that so many people experience, yet no one talks about it..openly. 

So through my training, life experience, past pains, and the desire to be a change agent...I'm here...fully transparent and fearlessly authentic.

As I often say, "own your story, trust your struggle."