Dealing with difficult people
Some people are hard to love. Sometimes we’re hard to love. Okay, maybe that’s just me. Some people are difficult. We’re difficult. Don’t leave me hanging; I know you can be difficult sometimes too. People mess up. We mess up. No matter how bad things get in life, despite our efforts, we will always need companionship. If you’re thinking, “No, I don’t need anyone,” honey, you will and do, give it a few rough years to see the need.
Let’s be clear, your need and my need may
vary, but the need is there.
We all need people and relationships to strive. Being around others improves our moods. Engaging in healthy relationships contributes to our happiness. Keyword healthy.
Now let’s go back to difficult people. *sigh* We all have had a few (or more than) interactions with people that drive us crazy with their difficult ways. They could be family members, co-workers, associates, friends, and (or) lovers. No matter the title that you give this individual, you have to determine is their “crazy” or level of difficulty worth enduring. If your mama is the person or if it’s your nosy meddling neighbor, you have to decide.
In any relationship or interaction, we have to accept the person for who they are. Radical acceptance- it is what it is. Now you don’t have to like it, but a spade is a spade. It doesn't transform into a diamond because you don’t like spades.
Difficult people are our teachers. They teach us what we don’t want to deal with or accept. And in turn we teach others how to treat us. Once you learn what you don’t want to accept, then you create boundaries and set limits. If you fail to do this, you are teaching people they can interact with you at their disposable; the ball will forever remain in their court.
Difficult people reveal patterns in us and our lives. If you notice that difficult people are constant in your life and only their name and face changes. Evaluate these patterns and the difficulties that affect you the most. Dealing with these people can cause us to lose our rational coping skills and initiate negative emotions. It’s hard to be rational with an irrational person.
:: Tips for dealing with the difficult ::
Don’t take irrational people personal.
Set limits.
Don’t take the bait! You know they are difficult, they have showed you time and time again.
Stop being surprised when they act a fool!
My peace and joy is important to me. I don’t have time for unnecessary distress. Remember it’s 100% your choice on who is on your team and a part of your cast. Occasionally we have disputes with others, but if an individual is continuously bringing you distress, who is to blame?
Live. Love. Action
1. What are your own irrational beliefs? We all have our own demons (issues) that we are dealing or not dealing with.
a. Now connect the dots with the characteristics and irrational beliefs of the difficult people in your life.
2. Love yourself like it’s nobody’s business. :)
3. Make an important decision.
ABC’S of Self Love
Just as the alphabet is the foundation for words, sentences, communication, and education. These ABC’s of self-love are the foundation for a euphoric life full of joy.
A is for Acceptance. Accept yourself as you are TODAY!
B is for Be Kind. Be Kind to yourself.
C is for Cultivate. Cultivate your truth.
D is for Distance. Distance yourself from things and people that don't bring you joy.
E is for Evaluate. Every 90 days do a self-evaluation. Are current actions getting you to where you want to be in life? Are they aligned with your truth?
F is for Feelings. Allow yourself to feel an array of emotions. If your sad, it's ok, embrace it. Too many times we hide emotions to appease others or because society has taught us just to be "happy," and content.
G is for Gravitate. Gravitate towards your North Star. What’s leading you in life?
H is for Humility. “Clarity and consistency are not enough: the quest for truth
requires humility and effort.”
I is for Invest. Invest in
yourself. Not just a pair of shoes and a Pedi, but things that will enhance the
quality of your life, i.e. personal trainer, life coach.
J is for Joy. “Comparison is the thief of joy.”
K is for Keep. Keep your head up beautiful.
L is for Love. Love yourself enough to not compromise yourself
M is for Move on!
N is for Nurture. Nurture your strengths!
O is for Own. Own your truth!
P is for Protect. Protect your insecurities.
Q is for Question. Question things and situations until you gain clarity.
R is for Respect. Respect yourself!
S is for Sexy. Preserve your sexy!
T is for Transparency. Be transparent and allow others to see your inner light.
U is for understanding. Seek to understand, then to be understood.
V is for voids. Fill the voids.
W is for worth. Know your worth!
X is for excitement (ehhh).
Y is for youth.
Z is for Zest. Find your Zest, things and people that bring you excitement and enjoyment.
Story time
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We all love stories. From action packed movies to scripted reality TV. The moment one of our girlfriend's say "Girl...you aren't going to believe this..." we are tuned in. I have shared a few stories with you to let you know that whatever is in the back of your closet, let it out! It can't hurt you ever again, unless you're ok with those unwanted memories....I will caution that if you have experienced or suspect that you may have ever been physically or sexually abused, a trained therapist is a must.
Not everyone will appreciate your story, and guess what?!? That's fine! You will know who you feel comfortable and trust enough to share with. Own your story, trust your struggle. No pity parties. This isn't about all the wrongs, but how you can bring all the right! It's your social obligation to let your light shine.
Once you understand the importance of a story, you realize that you, the author of your life, have control of the upcoming chapters. You will connect and realize that you may co-author others stories and the realization will help you decide to how you want to be involved in these stories, if at all.
Stories explore experiences. We all have them- good and bad. They are our makeup just as our DNA. By sharing stories we invite others into our worlds. I invite you into my world and hope that one day you too will extend that invitation to me.
Experience is a wonderful teacher.
Narcissism or Self-Esteem??
I used to think I was a narcissist. People would tell me that my self-esteem was too high. I believed them for years. I took the basic definition of a narcissist, that I was consumed with self. Most people in their late teens are a little self-absorbed not to mention spoiled, so I wasn't truly concerned with the label. I went with it, but didn't internalize the negative traits associated with narcissism. Later I learned that those that were so “concerned” with my esteem merely were mirroring their issues on to me. It’s rare someone is going to tell you “I don’t fully like myself, and I’m uncomfortable with how comfortable you are with yourself.”
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Self-esteem is how you feel about yourself. Self-confidence is how you feel/think about your abilities. They go together like peanut butter and jelly. These feelings help you to subconsciously and consciously determine the things you do and the things you accept from others.
I love me some me. I celebrate my successes and my failures. I live by the thought if he or she can do it, so can I. They aren't any smarter than I. I really believe this.
“Because one believes in oneself, one doesn’t try to convince others. Because one is content with oneself, one doesn’t need others’ approval. Because one accepts oneself, the whole world accepts him or her.
”
I know I have faults (a long list), and I accept them. I know I'm not perfect, but rather perfectly imperfect. I don’t think I’m better than anyone, but I am equal to. My playing ground is level. I don't put anyone down or above me.
My parents used to tell me I was amazing and I could do ANYTHING I wanted. Guess what? I believed them. Still do! Adults uplift younger children and we even lie to them sometimes. You know that picture full of colorful squiggly lines that is “beautiful and amazing,” although we really don’t know what it is. Truly it doesn't matter what’s on that paper. That smiling face full of joy and excitement and pride is what matters. In time, the child will learn his or her strengths. Even if drawing isn't their strength, drawing may provide a great stress relief and become a passion. Side note: not every passion leads to purpose. However, in recognizing passion it helps lead us to our purpose.
“Parents need to fill a child’s bucket of self-esteem so high that the rest of the world can’t poke enough holes to drain it dry.
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My parents would have dinner parties and allow me to sing for their guests. I cannot sing! Not at all! I would sing Whitney Houston's Greatest Hits and those guests would cheer me on, but I now know that I can't sing. Nothing changed from then to now, but those adults built me up. I can carry a tune, but that’s the extent of that. I love singing and I love music. It makes me feel great in good and bad times. I have a playlist on my iTunes entitled “pity party” whenever I was upset I would get five to ten minutes of listening to the best sad songs I've ever heard. I used to write songs and would/will make up a song and sing in a moment’s notice just to make someone smile. That’s my purpose…helping others find their happy.
“Hard work beats talent”
My Huni is a personal development coach aka personal trainer. He was working with this kid at a basketball camp. I remember he came home and nicknamed the kid "mission impossible." I ask about this kid weekly. I'm a sucker for the underdog, I want everyone to succeed. This is the 5th week and Huni says mission impossible has so much heart and drive that he puts in double the work to make up for the lack of natural ability.
Self-esteem...can
be evaluated simply? How much do I love me? A lot.....is a systematic response.
Answer it in terms of : I won't accept XYZ because I recognize my worth. I am
worth: unconditional love, fulfilling interpersonal relationships, satisfying
work, an abundance of money.
Anything less than your defined worth...is cheating yourself.
If you don't believe your true worth, the Universe won't believe you and certain things will be held from you. Exactly what you project will be returned to you. Want to stop dating losers...think higher of yourself. We attract what we are. Want a better job, produce better results. Don't allow yourself to just be content unless you truly are content. Contentment doesn't include complaining.
Again, anything you put your mind to you CAN do. You have to want to, believe you can, and get to work. Naysayers will forever attempt to instill their fear into us by distraction and saying that we can't do something. How we feel about ourselves impacts our interactions throughout life. How we view our successes and failures determines future failures and successes. Are you mission impossible or mission I AM POSSIBLE? Email me, I would love to know!
Live. Love. Action
1. Define your self-esteem?
2. Love yourself!
3. Examine how you may not be honoring your defined self-esteem.
Daily Affirmation: Changing my thoughts will be a breeze!
31 days of affirmations! How fast did this month go?
I end this series with: Changing my thoughts will be a breeze! Read it, believe it, receive it!
It all starts with our thinking, which leads to change. Such a simple, yet magnificent tool that we all embody.
An affirmation opens the door. It’s a beginning point on the path to change. Every thought you think and every word you speak is an affirmation.
— Louise Hay
I challenge you to pick your favorite affirmation and repeat it daily for the next 30 days. Email me or comment below on what that affirmation is. It doesn't even have to be one that I've shared with you. Just an affirmation that you know will lead to the change you desire in your life. I truly believe that we all deserve to be euphorically happy and live our passions, while making our dreams reality. What are you waiting on?
Positive thoughts will make magnificent changes in your life. If you know someone who could benefit from these affirmations, share away! Have a wonderful weekend!