Friday Confession: People are all talk
People love to hear themselves talk. I’ll admit it; I’m included in that too. But one thing that really bothers me is when there is no action behind that talk. You know when someone starts to tell you ALL these things they are going to do, yet they rarely begin. So you just wasted my time listening to ALL these exciting and amazing things that I know you would excel at, and your own time describing and explaining it ALL to me. I read an article a few months ago, that mentioned the moment we tell others our goals and aspirations or even things we want to do, we then feel a bit of accomplishment. As if we have accomplished something by merely talking. Sounds so odd, but I began to notice when I did it, and when others would do it.
People love to hear themselves talk. I’ll admit it; I’m included in that too. But one thing that really bothers me is when there is no action behind that talk. You know when someone starts to tell you ALL these things they are going to do, yet they rarely begin. So you just wasted my time listening to ALL these exciting and amazing things that I know you would excel at, and your own time describing and explaining it ALL to me. I read an article a few months ago, that mentioned the moment we tell others our goals and aspirations or even things we want to do, we then feel a bit of accomplishment. As if we have accomplished something by merely talking. Sounds so odd, but I began to notice when I did it, and when others would do it.
In coaching, mentoring, and therapy I hear talk more so than the average. Now don’t get me wrong, I love what I do, because I love helping. However, I’m no help if the person has no follow through. We all want to change, but very few are willing to put forth the efforts to accomplish the change. In graduate school, I learned many theories and reasons as to why people change, as well as why they don’t. In order to change the pain (or unwanted thing/event) must be so unbearable that you can't imagine feeling (dealing with) it anymore. Very commonsensical, who would continue to do things that they don’t like, right? Wrong! Everyday people do it. That job they complain about, yet guess where they are still employed at? That friend that drives them crazy, guess who they are hanging out with this weekend? So many situations…can you think of any in your life?
In looking at my own life, I rarely made a change until I decided the “pain” was too much to bear. When I had my first son, I was 18 years old and undecided about college. I would go then I would quit then I would go again, and I would quit again. I played a refund game with Sally Mae for a few years. I would go long enough to get my refund check, and then I would drop out. I had my daughter at 21 years old and I hated the jobs that were available to me, and that’s IF I worked. Between my parents supporting me and my Huni, I was in my comfort zone. The “pain” wasn’t bad enough to make a change. I quit a “good job,” and decided I really wanted more. I needed more freedom, I wanted fulfillment, I didn’t appreciate the way the clientele would talk to me. And this is back when my attitude was “nuck if you buck,” and I hadn’t fine-tuned my assertiveness. I went back to college and did exceptionally well. My pain was too much to bear.
I want you to really think about things that you want to change, how bad is the pain? Is that why you haven’t made any progress towards this change? Do you even want to change?
I’ll leave you with this, before verbalizing any changes you want to make, do, or embark on, write it down and an estimated completion date. Include one actionable step you can do within two days to get the process going. Once that’s completed tell two people and give them your estimated completion date. These people should be persons that will hold you accountable to your date.
Dealing with difficult people
Some people are hard to love. Sometimes we’re hard to love. Okay, maybe that’s just me. Some people are difficult. We’re difficult. Don’t leave me hanging; I know you can be difficult sometimes too. People mess up. We mess up. No matter how bad things get in life, despite our efforts, we will always need companionship. If you’re thinking, “No, I don’t need anyone,” honey, you will and do, give it a few rough years to see the need.
Let’s be clear, your need and my need may
vary, but the need is there.
We all need people and relationships to strive. Being around others improves our moods. Engaging in healthy relationships contributes to our happiness. Keyword healthy.
Now let’s go back to difficult people. *sigh* We all have had a few (or more than) interactions with people that drive us crazy with their difficult ways. They could be family members, co-workers, associates, friends, and (or) lovers. No matter the title that you give this individual, you have to determine is their “crazy” or level of difficulty worth enduring. If your mama is the person or if it’s your nosy meddling neighbor, you have to decide.
In any relationship or interaction, we have to accept the person for who they are. Radical acceptance- it is what it is. Now you don’t have to like it, but a spade is a spade. It doesn't transform into a diamond because you don’t like spades.
Difficult people are our teachers. They teach us what we don’t want to deal with or accept. And in turn we teach others how to treat us. Once you learn what you don’t want to accept, then you create boundaries and set limits. If you fail to do this, you are teaching people they can interact with you at their disposable; the ball will forever remain in their court.
Difficult people reveal patterns in us and our lives. If you notice that difficult people are constant in your life and only their name and face changes. Evaluate these patterns and the difficulties that affect you the most. Dealing with these people can cause us to lose our rational coping skills and initiate negative emotions. It’s hard to be rational with an irrational person.
:: Tips for dealing with the difficult ::
Don’t take irrational people personal.
Set limits.
Don’t take the bait! You know they are difficult, they have showed you time and time again.
Stop being surprised when they act a fool!
My peace and joy is important to me. I don’t have time for unnecessary distress. Remember it’s 100% your choice on who is on your team and a part of your cast. Occasionally we have disputes with others, but if an individual is continuously bringing you distress, who is to blame?
Live. Love. Action
1. What are your own irrational beliefs? We all have our own demons (issues) that we are dealing or not dealing with.
a. Now connect the dots with the characteristics and irrational beliefs of the difficult people in your life.
2. Love yourself like it’s nobody’s business. :)
3. Make an important decision.
Journaling to Happy
via
Are you happy? What does happy look like for you? Daily I help women get to their happy. However, each woman defines it differently. The pursuit of happiness is ongoing and unattached from people and things.
In my sessions with the girls I mentor through Divas, Inc., my nonprofit organization, I focus on the exploration of emotions. Try knowing and understanding how you feel and react will help with defining your happy.
Do you journal? If not, you should. Picking out a pretty journal and a nice pen would be my favorite part of the process. I would often forget to journal for a few days and then all together. When you make change to daily habits, a mind shift occurs.
Stick to a diet for 21 days and see how it's easier to pass up fatty foods.
It takes 21 days of repeatedly doing something before your mind registers it as a habit. Some people need as long as 60 days. For this reason, my development programs are a minimum of 90 days for motivated women seeking change.
If you haven't found your happy. If you need help defining your happy. Or if you want to cultivate positivity and measure your growth. Get a journal.
Every day. Yes, every day journal these five things.
Every morning before starting your day complete these:
1. Today I am thankful for: (list five things)
2. I am: (an affirmation)
If you aren't there yet, speak it into existence. What do you want to become?
Each night before bed, reflect on your day with these:
3. What were the three best parts of my day?
4. One trait that I really love about myself is:
5. One positive thing that I can do to make tomorrow better is:
The power of positive thinking is one of the greatest tools you have to living euphorically.
Daily Affirmation: Own your story, trust your process
I own my story and trust my process, fully! Read it, believe it, receive it!
I often say "own your story and trust your struggle!" What does all that mean? Every situation, every circumstance, everything that makes you- you...own it!
Accept it! Embrace it! It's your story, it's not going anywhere. Forgive yourself and forgive others! I’m not going to lie and say that’s an easy task. However, you will forever be stuck, until you OWN it, even if it seems that you are moving forward.
Once you own that story, share it with others, share it often. Not everyone will appreciate your story, and guess what?!? That's fine! You will know who you feel comfortable and trust enough to share with. Healing will begin and change will ignite.
Then pick up that imaginary pen and keep writing and living. This time eliminate the pain, the fear, guilt, and anything that was holding you back. Learn from your own stories and mend the error in your thought process to avoid operator error in your upcoming chapters.
Own your story, trust your struggles. No pity parties. This isn't about all the wrongs, but how you can bring all the right! It's your social obligation to let your light shine.
Positive thoughts will make magnificent changes in your life. If you know someone who could benefit from these affirmations, share away!
Daily Affirmation- Contagious
Good morning beautiful! Read it, believe it, receive it! My success is contagious! Positive thoughts will make magnificent changes in your life. If you know someone who could benefit from these affirmations, share away! Sharing is caring! ;) How did you start your week?
Daily Affirmation: Infinite Treasure
Hey! Read it, believe it, receive it! Positive thoughts will make magnificent changes in your life. If you know someone who could benefit from these affirmations, share away! Sharing is caring! ;) Hope your weekend is going great!
Daily Affirmation: Harmonious Relationships
Hey There! It's impossible to go through life with our interacting with others. These interactions consume much of our day. For that reason alone, i love throwing this affirmation out to the universe. When your relations and day to day interpersonal interactions are at peace, its easier for you to be at peace. Read it, believe it, receive it! Positive thoughts will make magnificent changes in your life. If you know someone who could benefit from these affirmations, share away! Sharing is caring! ;)
Phenomenal Fridays featuring Own Your Sole
Phenomenal Fridays- highlighting phenomenal females who took the leap of faith towards their passions and life’s purpose.
I interviewed Stephanie Cook owner of Own Your Sole. She was
gracious enough to share how adversity pushed her passion into profit.
1.) Tell me a little about yourself and your company.
My name is Stephanie Cook I am a 32 year old native of Newport News , Va. I am the Owner of Own Your Sole shoetique. I started my company after I was laid off from my job of 7 years. I had always wanted to start my own business but this was the push I needed.
2.) What challenges do you think you face for being a woman in your field?
The biggest challenge I face is making my brand bigger than my competition. However nothing great comes easy. So, I believe my time will come when God sees fit.
3.) What advice do you have for any woman considering starting her own brand/business?
The only advice I have is Do It. There is no better feeling than to see your hard work and dedication appreciated.
4.) Have you ever dealt with self-doubt regarding your company?
Absolutely, I have doubts every day . This is new to me; I am totally out of my comfort zone. I am learning that speaking positive things into the universe makes every doubt disappear
5.) What's your daily mantra?
Today I choose my greatness. Today I will own my greatness and play big.
Be sure to check out Own Your Sole for the flyest shoes! Sign up for the mailing list to be informed of specials and pre-orders.
instagram - ownyoursole
facebook - facebook.com/ownyoursole
website - www.ownyoursole.com
email - ownyoursole@gmail.com
If you are interested in being featured or know a beautiful woman that should be featured, email me directly kimber@kimberleeonline.com.
Daily Affirmation: No right to compare
Good morning! Read it, believe it, receive it! Positive thoughts will make magnificent changes in your life. If you know someone who could benefit from these affirmations, share away! Happy Friday! Any exciting plans for this weekend?
Daily Affirmation: Radiate love
Initially I told myself that I would not "annoy" you with multiple affirmations in your inbox, but you know what?!? When shifts begin happening negativity loves to show it's ugly face. So instead of my thought of sending a few affirmations at a time, it's back to daily.
Read it, believe it, receive it! Positive thoughts will make magnificent changes in your life. If you know someone who could benefit from these affirmations, share away! Sharing is caring! ;) Have a beautiful day.
