30 Things that make me happy
So often we discuss the negatives and the bad things happening to us. I actually avoid these conversations UNLESS we are getting to a solution. Complaining without change is pointless. However today I wanted to share 30 things that make me happy. Despite life’s little annoyances, we can find happiness in everything, if we want to.
1. Forehead kisses
2. Rainbows
3. Bacon
4. Cupcakes
5. Mid day naps
6. Long hot showers
7. Instant friendships
8. Catching up with an old friend
9. Handwritten letters
10. Bubble baths
11. Finding money I didn't know I lost
12. Baby's giggling
13. Children telling jokes
14. Free wifi
15. Butterflies
16. Making others smile
17. Laughing until I cry
18. Playing taboo
19. Full tank of gas
20. Ice cream cones in the summer
21. Clouds resembling images
22. The smell of fresh laundry
23. Pink sand
24. The feel of fresh bed sheets
25. Fresh lemonade
26. Eating a home cooked meal from scratch that I didn't have to prepare
27. President Obama
28. The smell of fresh bread
29. Possibilities
30. Sunsets
31. Happy People
Okay, so I threw in 31 things. Today’s my birthday and I’m a rebel with a cause, forgive me. What three things make you happy?
How to Move On
Have you ever been so in love with someone and they just won't get it together? You don't want to leave...okay, one more chance. I'll give them one more chance. *whispers* but that one chance turns to two and maybe even three.
You might not even be in love. It could be a girlfriend that you just enjoy spending time with, but she gossips so much that it's no longer entertaining but a judgment session.
Sometimes we have to move on from situations and people that we love, especially if they aren't respecting limits and boundaries that we set.
1. Set limits with people.
{C}2. {C}If crossed, there should be a plan of action.
{C}3. {C}The plan of action should have a natural consequence.
When you set your limits and boundaries, you are essentially creating a contract: I do not accept XYZ. If XYZ were to occur, then I will have to do ABC.
Natural consequences aren't to be used as threats. You have to hold up to your end of the bargain and know that most people don't respond well to threats. Plus empty threats reinforce unwanted behaviors.
You are going to run into people who are going to break this contract.
Some over and over and ov...you better not let anyone disrespect you like that. Subsequently, people will try to push your limits and not because they are horrible people who just like to push your buttons. Although there are some real jerks out there. The average person may just feel like their agenda is greater than yours. And for this difference, forgiveness is possible.
I'm a sucker for second chances and forgiveness, but I'm nobody’s fool. Hunay, please doesn’t play the fool. I truly believe I have a masters in moving on. Back in high school my male BFF nicknamed me "keep it moving", and shortened it to "moving." Life stands still for none of us. We all have to keep it moving, even when we don't want to. Forgiveness will change your life.
We need to learn to let go. We need to be able to forgive, so we can move on and be happy.
Moving on is usually bitter sweet. It's as if we're forcing ourselves to give up on people and situations. And sometimes that's exactly what we need to do, to experience happiness. Holding onto situations and people that don't want involvement is like pouring alcohol on an open wound.
You don't need permission to move on. You don't even have to tell the other part(ies) if you think that will cause additional issues. It's not about them.
1. Determine if after forgiveness will the relationship or situation continue causing you distress, and (or) going against your personal values.
2. Commit to letting go and moving on- it won’t be overnight.
3. Be at peace and remain in the present- you can’t keep thoughts of the situation. Moving on is moving past the situation and forward from the past.
Dealing with difficult people
Some people are hard to love. Sometimes we’re hard to love. Okay, maybe that’s just me. Some people are difficult. We’re difficult. Don’t leave me hanging; I know you can be difficult sometimes too. People mess up. We mess up. No matter how bad things get in life, despite our efforts, we will always need companionship. If you’re thinking, “No, I don’t need anyone,” honey, you will and do, give it a few rough years to see the need.
Let’s be clear, your need and my need may
vary, but the need is there.
We all need people and relationships to strive. Being around others improves our moods. Engaging in healthy relationships contributes to our happiness. Keyword healthy.
Now let’s go back to difficult people. *sigh* We all have had a few (or more than) interactions with people that drive us crazy with their difficult ways. They could be family members, co-workers, associates, friends, and (or) lovers. No matter the title that you give this individual, you have to determine is their “crazy” or level of difficulty worth enduring. If your mama is the person or if it’s your nosy meddling neighbor, you have to decide.
In any relationship or interaction, we have to accept the person for who they are. Radical acceptance- it is what it is. Now you don’t have to like it, but a spade is a spade. It doesn't transform into a diamond because you don’t like spades.
Difficult people are our teachers. They teach us what we don’t want to deal with or accept. And in turn we teach others how to treat us. Once you learn what you don’t want to accept, then you create boundaries and set limits. If you fail to do this, you are teaching people they can interact with you at their disposable; the ball will forever remain in their court.
Difficult people reveal patterns in us and our lives. If you notice that difficult people are constant in your life and only their name and face changes. Evaluate these patterns and the difficulties that affect you the most. Dealing with these people can cause us to lose our rational coping skills and initiate negative emotions. It’s hard to be rational with an irrational person.
:: Tips for dealing with the difficult ::
Don’t take irrational people personal.
Set limits.
Don’t take the bait! You know they are difficult, they have showed you time and time again.
Stop being surprised when they act a fool!
My peace and joy is important to me. I don’t have time for unnecessary distress. Remember it’s 100% your choice on who is on your team and a part of your cast. Occasionally we have disputes with others, but if an individual is continuously bringing you distress, who is to blame?
Live. Love. Action
1. What are your own irrational beliefs? We all have our own demons (issues) that we are dealing or not dealing with.
a. Now connect the dots with the characteristics and irrational beliefs of the difficult people in your life.
2. Love yourself like it’s nobody’s business. :)
3. Make an important decision.
ABC’S of Self Love
Just as the alphabet is the foundation for words, sentences, communication, and education. These ABC’s of self-love are the foundation for a euphoric life full of joy.
A is for Acceptance. Accept yourself as you are TODAY!
B is for Be Kind. Be Kind to yourself.
C is for Cultivate. Cultivate your truth.
D is for Distance. Distance yourself from things and people that don't bring you joy.
E is for Evaluate. Every 90 days do a self-evaluation. Are current actions getting you to where you want to be in life? Are they aligned with your truth?
F is for Feelings. Allow yourself to feel an array of emotions. If your sad, it's ok, embrace it. Too many times we hide emotions to appease others or because society has taught us just to be "happy," and content.
G is for Gravitate. Gravitate towards your North Star. What’s leading you in life?
H is for Humility. “Clarity and consistency are not enough: the quest for truth
requires humility and effort.”
I is for Invest. Invest in
yourself. Not just a pair of shoes and a Pedi, but things that will enhance the
quality of your life, i.e. personal trainer, life coach.
J is for Joy. “Comparison is the thief of joy.”
K is for Keep. Keep your head up beautiful.
L is for Love. Love yourself enough to not compromise yourself
M is for Move on!
N is for Nurture. Nurture your strengths!
O is for Own. Own your truth!
P is for Protect. Protect your insecurities.
Q is for Question. Question things and situations until you gain clarity.
R is for Respect. Respect yourself!
S is for Sexy. Preserve your sexy!
T is for Transparency. Be transparent and allow others to see your inner light.
U is for understanding. Seek to understand, then to be understood.
V is for voids. Fill the voids.
W is for worth. Know your worth!
X is for excitement (ehhh).
Y is for youth.
Z is for Zest. Find your Zest, things and people that bring you excitement and enjoyment.
Journaling to Happy
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Are you happy? What does happy look like for you? Daily I help women get to their happy. However, each woman defines it differently. The pursuit of happiness is ongoing and unattached from people and things.
In my sessions with the girls I mentor through Divas, Inc., my nonprofit organization, I focus on the exploration of emotions. Try knowing and understanding how you feel and react will help with defining your happy.
Do you journal? If not, you should. Picking out a pretty journal and a nice pen would be my favorite part of the process. I would often forget to journal for a few days and then all together. When you make change to daily habits, a mind shift occurs.
Stick to a diet for 21 days and see how it's easier to pass up fatty foods.
It takes 21 days of repeatedly doing something before your mind registers it as a habit. Some people need as long as 60 days. For this reason, my development programs are a minimum of 90 days for motivated women seeking change.
If you haven't found your happy. If you need help defining your happy. Or if you want to cultivate positivity and measure your growth. Get a journal.
Every day. Yes, every day journal these five things.
Every morning before starting your day complete these:
1. Today I am thankful for: (list five things)
2. I am: (an affirmation)
If you aren't there yet, speak it into existence. What do you want to become?
Each night before bed, reflect on your day with these:
3. What were the three best parts of my day?
4. One trait that I really love about myself is:
5. One positive thing that I can do to make tomorrow better is:
The power of positive thinking is one of the greatest tools you have to living euphorically.
Pursuit of happiness
Sometimes in the pursuit of happiness you need to stop the pursuit and pursue the happiness.
A few years ago my Facebook status was "GPS set to happy." At the time I wasn't unhappy, but I wasn't happy. I lived in mere contentment with a smile. Some will move in here and never leave, and will think that's the place to be. It isn't. Now it's not the worst place to be either.
Life is beautiful. Sometimes life happens and it isn't so beautiful, but when you develop resiliency, it's all good and you truly have no worries.
A resilient person is able to bounce back quick from misfortune and tragedy. Resiliency is key to happiness.
I've had a pretty good life with minimal disruptions. Eight years ago my world was turned upside down. When I say upside down, I was dangling from a tight rope holding two children and This is when I learned my own resilience. Everyone thought I was living a facade and I couldn't be "ok" with everything that was going on. Honestly, I was fine. I accepted that I couldn't change my misfortune. I developed new goals that I needed to achieve in order to lesson my dangle from this tight rope. I developed a positive mindset and optimism. This alone bread happiness for me. As cliche as it is, mind over matter. "You are responsible for the energy that you put into this world." I'm a firm believer in what you put out, will return to you full force.
Live. Love. Action
1. Smile and laugh as often as you can.
2. Embrace your emotions while accepting things for what they are.
3. Saturate in optimism
4. Trust the process
