Self-development is scary
I'm in the process of restructuring KO. Oddly enough I work with more women in creating businesses than personal coaching. I get it building an empire is definitely sexier than working on you.
Yet, it actually confused me for some time. Like why wouldn't you want to be totally together and at peace. So many of us focus on everything else we can achieve first. We acknowledge the faults here and there but we don't go full force on what's needed to get rid of them. You the saying, "we all have faults," stagnates many from ever working on anything within them. Please note that self-development extends further than just “faults.”
I'm in the process of restructuring KO. Oddly enough I work with more women in creating businesses than personal coaching. I get it building an empire is definitely sexier than working on you.
Yet, it actually confused me for some time. Like why wouldn't you want to be totally together and at peace. So many of us focus on everything else we can achieve first. We acknowledge the faults here and there but we don't go full force on what's needed to get rid of them. You know the saying, "we all have faults," stagnates many from ever working on anything within them. Please note that self-development extends further than just “faults.”
Example:
Shay has trust issues which she openly admits, but isn't willing to look at the source or even take the steps to rid herself of these issues. She signs up with me for biz coaching. Shay and I get her business running. Shay is really crushing it! I'm proud of her, she's proud! Amazing opportunities start popping up left and right for her business. However, she doesn't believe that the opportunities are legit, based upon her own issues with not being able to trust people. Subsequently, she misses out many times because she's doubtful and backdoor researching the opportunity.
Change is hard. I'll be the first to admit it's hard....really hard. Then to admit to another person that you need help with whatever *insert vice/fault is* OMG?!? I get it.
My bestie says I try to save everyone and I'm probably guilty as charged. Most people are okay with their chaos and guess what?!? I'm learning to be cool with everyone not wanting to be happy and at peace. As Project Pat says, “[they] don't want to be saved.”
I just know firsthand how GOOD life can be with it. Just like I would tell you what my favorite lipstick is and how amazing it is and keeps my lips moisturized, I want you to be happy and fulfilled. If you're reading this, you are definitely headed in the right direction. Anyone not interested in change on any level, wouldn’t read these type of posts. So Kudos to you! I hope you have your GPS on and set towards happiness, freedom, riches...whatever your desire(s) may be. Go ahead and put that desire in google directions, it isn't going to take you anywhere. Sorry sunshine! You will have to do some leg work.
Most don't want to put the work in. They want magic to occur. Happiness, freedom, and riches are all magical but they don't just fall out the sky because you're beautiful. Trust me...I have gazed at the sky many of days and at the most I was lucky to not have had a bird poop on me.
I often joke and say “Operation get my life right!” Operation get my life right is anytime I feel a shift that something in my life isn't aligned. Think of a car’s alignment, if you remove your hands off the steering wheel and if it shifts to the right or the left...you need an alignment. If I stop doing my daily practices (gratitude, rest, play) then I begin to notice a shift and I need “Operation get my life right.” If I've had more cheat meals in a week then my clean eating regime...then it’s time for “Operation get my life right!”
Seems easy enough. However, you will never know if you're shifting, if you've never been aligned with your core values and desires. When you begin working on the hard things is when you begin to create internal alignments. It takes time, but with love and patience, it happens.
No worries to my lovely ladies that are truly working on that core alignment. Personal coaching isn't going away, I just want you to be aware when you see some new things. Change can be so hard. ;) Inspirational posts will continue because that's just who I am...always trying to save someone ;)
Protect your peace
Podcast on the power of peace.
I was driving in the car and started thinking about peace, I thought it would be perfect for someone. Maybe you're that someone. :)
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Dramaticals are defined as drama productions created by individuals starring them for their own satisfaction and misery.
Dealing with difficult people
Some people are hard to love. Sometimes we’re hard to love. Okay, maybe that’s just me. Some people are difficult. We’re difficult. Don’t leave me hanging; I know you can be difficult sometimes too. People mess up. We mess up. No matter how bad things get in life, despite our efforts, we will always need companionship. If you’re thinking, “No, I don’t need anyone,” honey, you will and do, give it a few rough years to see the need.
Let’s be clear, your need and my need may
vary, but the need is there.
We all need people and relationships to strive. Being around others improves our moods. Engaging in healthy relationships contributes to our happiness. Keyword healthy.
Now let’s go back to difficult people. *sigh* We all have had a few (or more than) interactions with people that drive us crazy with their difficult ways. They could be family members, co-workers, associates, friends, and (or) lovers. No matter the title that you give this individual, you have to determine is their “crazy” or level of difficulty worth enduring. If your mama is the person or if it’s your nosy meddling neighbor, you have to decide.
In any relationship or interaction, we have to accept the person for who they are. Radical acceptance- it is what it is. Now you don’t have to like it, but a spade is a spade. It doesn't transform into a diamond because you don’t like spades.
Difficult people are our teachers. They teach us what we don’t want to deal with or accept. And in turn we teach others how to treat us. Once you learn what you don’t want to accept, then you create boundaries and set limits. If you fail to do this, you are teaching people they can interact with you at their disposable; the ball will forever remain in their court.
Difficult people reveal patterns in us and our lives. If you notice that difficult people are constant in your life and only their name and face changes. Evaluate these patterns and the difficulties that affect you the most. Dealing with these people can cause us to lose our rational coping skills and initiate negative emotions. It’s hard to be rational with an irrational person.
:: Tips for dealing with the difficult ::
Don’t take irrational people personal.
Set limits.
Don’t take the bait! You know they are difficult, they have showed you time and time again.
Stop being surprised when they act a fool!
My peace and joy is important to me. I don’t have time for unnecessary distress. Remember it’s 100% your choice on who is on your team and a part of your cast. Occasionally we have disputes with others, but if an individual is continuously bringing you distress, who is to blame?
Live. Love. Action
1. What are your own irrational beliefs? We all have our own demons (issues) that we are dealing or not dealing with.
a. Now connect the dots with the characteristics and irrational beliefs of the difficult people in your life.
2. Love yourself like it’s nobody’s business. :)
3. Make an important decision.
Narcissism or Self-Esteem??
I used to think I was a narcissist. People would tell me that my self-esteem was too high. I believed them for years. I took the basic definition of a narcissist, that I was consumed with self. Most people in their late teens are a little self-absorbed not to mention spoiled, so I wasn't truly concerned with the label. I went with it, but didn't internalize the negative traits associated with narcissism. Later I learned that those that were so “concerned” with my esteem merely were mirroring their issues on to me. It’s rare someone is going to tell you “I don’t fully like myself, and I’m uncomfortable with how comfortable you are with yourself.”
via
Self-esteem is how you feel about yourself. Self-confidence is how you feel/think about your abilities. They go together like peanut butter and jelly. These feelings help you to subconsciously and consciously determine the things you do and the things you accept from others.
I love me some me. I celebrate my successes and my failures. I live by the thought if he or she can do it, so can I. They aren't any smarter than I. I really believe this.
“Because one believes in oneself, one doesn’t try to convince others. Because one is content with oneself, one doesn’t need others’ approval. Because one accepts oneself, the whole world accepts him or her.
”
I know I have faults (a long list), and I accept them. I know I'm not perfect, but rather perfectly imperfect. I don’t think I’m better than anyone, but I am equal to. My playing ground is level. I don't put anyone down or above me.
My parents used to tell me I was amazing and I could do ANYTHING I wanted. Guess what? I believed them. Still do! Adults uplift younger children and we even lie to them sometimes. You know that picture full of colorful squiggly lines that is “beautiful and amazing,” although we really don’t know what it is. Truly it doesn't matter what’s on that paper. That smiling face full of joy and excitement and pride is what matters. In time, the child will learn his or her strengths. Even if drawing isn't their strength, drawing may provide a great stress relief and become a passion. Side note: not every passion leads to purpose. However, in recognizing passion it helps lead us to our purpose.
“Parents need to fill a child’s bucket of self-esteem so high that the rest of the world can’t poke enough holes to drain it dry.
”
My parents would have dinner parties and allow me to sing for their guests. I cannot sing! Not at all! I would sing Whitney Houston's Greatest Hits and those guests would cheer me on, but I now know that I can't sing. Nothing changed from then to now, but those adults built me up. I can carry a tune, but that’s the extent of that. I love singing and I love music. It makes me feel great in good and bad times. I have a playlist on my iTunes entitled “pity party” whenever I was upset I would get five to ten minutes of listening to the best sad songs I've ever heard. I used to write songs and would/will make up a song and sing in a moment’s notice just to make someone smile. That’s my purpose…helping others find their happy.
“Hard work beats talent”
My Huni is a personal development coach aka personal trainer. He was working with this kid at a basketball camp. I remember he came home and nicknamed the kid "mission impossible." I ask about this kid weekly. I'm a sucker for the underdog, I want everyone to succeed. This is the 5th week and Huni says mission impossible has so much heart and drive that he puts in double the work to make up for the lack of natural ability.
Self-esteem...can
be evaluated simply? How much do I love me? A lot.....is a systematic response.
Answer it in terms of : I won't accept XYZ because I recognize my worth. I am
worth: unconditional love, fulfilling interpersonal relationships, satisfying
work, an abundance of money.
Anything less than your defined worth...is cheating yourself.
If you don't believe your true worth, the Universe won't believe you and certain things will be held from you. Exactly what you project will be returned to you. Want to stop dating losers...think higher of yourself. We attract what we are. Want a better job, produce better results. Don't allow yourself to just be content unless you truly are content. Contentment doesn't include complaining.
Again, anything you put your mind to you CAN do. You have to want to, believe you can, and get to work. Naysayers will forever attempt to instill their fear into us by distraction and saying that we can't do something. How we feel about ourselves impacts our interactions throughout life. How we view our successes and failures determines future failures and successes. Are you mission impossible or mission I AM POSSIBLE? Email me, I would love to know!
Live. Love. Action
1. Define your self-esteem?
2. Love yourself!
3. Examine how you may not be honoring your defined self-esteem.
Daily Affirmation: Changing my thoughts will be a breeze!
31 days of affirmations! How fast did this month go?
I end this series with: Changing my thoughts will be a breeze! Read it, believe it, receive it!
It all starts with our thinking, which leads to change. Such a simple, yet magnificent tool that we all embody.
An affirmation opens the door. It’s a beginning point on the path to change. Every thought you think and every word you speak is an affirmation.
— Louise Hay
I challenge you to pick your favorite affirmation and repeat it daily for the next 30 days. Email me or comment below on what that affirmation is. It doesn't even have to be one that I've shared with you. Just an affirmation that you know will lead to the change you desire in your life. I truly believe that we all deserve to be euphorically happy and live our passions, while making our dreams reality. What are you waiting on?
Positive thoughts will make magnificent changes in your life. If you know someone who could benefit from these affirmations, share away! Have a wonderful weekend!
Daily Affirmation: No right to compare
Good morning! Read it, believe it, receive it! Positive thoughts will make magnificent changes in your life. If you know someone who could benefit from these affirmations, share away! Happy Friday! Any exciting plans for this weekend?
Daily Affirmations: At peace with life
Hello! Hello! Hello! How was your day yesterday? Are you experiencing a mind shift yet? Research suggests that once you begin to open yourself up to believe and implement affirmations, then your thoughts will start changing for the better. Its like a domino effect: recite affirmations-> believe the affirmation to be true->moods improve-> thoughts change-> behaviors change->the law of attraction becomes enforced.
I hope you remembered to believe and recite yesterday's affirmation. If not, today is a new day. Just take a few minutes out of your day and recite the affirmation. Positive thoughts will make magnificent changes in your life. If you know someone who could benefit from these affirmations, share away! Sharing is caring! ;) Have a beautiful day.
Phenomenal Fridays
Phenomenal Fridays- I wanted to highlight phenomenal females who took the leap of faith towards their passions and life’s purpose.
I interviewed D’Shara Diggs owner of J’adore’s Closet. She was gracious enough to share her insight and experiences with fear.
J'adore Logo
1.) Tell me a little about yourself and your company. Hi Im D'Shara Diggs a 25 year old native of Norfolk VA, My company is J'adore's Closet children’s boutique and consignment shop. The idea to start my company was soley based off of my love for my 4 years old son J'adore. I've always loved to dress and style him from birth. Sometimes changing his clothes four times a day. The concept of J'adores Closet came about when I decided to clean J'adore's Closet and have a yard sale with all of his old clothing. From there the idea kind of went viral, eventually over a 8 month period I started to sell high end retail items, boutique items, and lastly opening a boutique in VA Beach.
J'adore's Closet Fashion Show
2.) What challenges do you think you face for being a woman in your field? In my field I face few challenges. The biggest challenge was myself in the very beginning. However, since I’ve started my business I've faced very small challenges such as negative remarks from others, which will always happen.
3.) What advice do you have for any woman considering starting her own brand/business? My advice to those women would be like Nike- JUST DO IT. If you can dream it, you can live it. When you have ideas write them down, give yourself realistic goals, both short and long term and surround yourself with those who inspire and motivate you to start that business.
4.) Have you ever dealt with self-doubt regarding your company? In the very beginning there were tons of self doubt. I allowed the spirit of fear to stop me from even living out my dreams. I then realized that doubt and fear would hurt me more than it would to try and fail.
J'adore Closet during Fashion Week
5.) What's your daily mantra? I actually have 3 of them
1) I am thankful for what I have, even if my life is not perfect.
2) There's a blessing somewhere and today I’m going to find it.
3) Today I will impact someone’s life in a positive way.
Be sure to check out Ja’dores Closet and all the wonderful things D’Shara is offering aside from cute clothing for the babes.
instagram - jadores_closet
facebook - facebook.com/j'adorescloset
website - www. jadorescloset.com
email - jadore.closet@gmail.com
If you are interested in being featured or know a beautiful woman that should be featured, email me directly kimberleeeonline@gmail.com.
Pursuit of happiness
Sometimes in the pursuit of happiness you need to stop the pursuit and pursue the happiness.
A few years ago my Facebook status was "GPS set to happy." At the time I wasn't unhappy, but I wasn't happy. I lived in mere contentment with a smile. Some will move in here and never leave, and will think that's the place to be. It isn't. Now it's not the worst place to be either.
Life is beautiful. Sometimes life happens and it isn't so beautiful, but when you develop resiliency, it's all good and you truly have no worries.
A resilient person is able to bounce back quick from misfortune and tragedy. Resiliency is key to happiness.
I've had a pretty good life with minimal disruptions. Eight years ago my world was turned upside down. When I say upside down, I was dangling from a tight rope holding two children and This is when I learned my own resilience. Everyone thought I was living a facade and I couldn't be "ok" with everything that was going on. Honestly, I was fine. I accepted that I couldn't change my misfortune. I developed new goals that I needed to achieve in order to lesson my dangle from this tight rope. I developed a positive mindset and optimism. This alone bread happiness for me. As cliche as it is, mind over matter. "You are responsible for the energy that you put into this world." I'm a firm believer in what you put out, will return to you full force.
Live. Love. Action
1. Smile and laugh as often as you can.
2. Embrace your emotions while accepting things for what they are.
3. Saturate in optimism
4. Trust the process
