Self-development is scary
I'm in the process of restructuring KO. Oddly enough I work with more women in creating businesses than personal coaching. I get it building an empire is definitely sexier than working on you.
Yet, it actually confused me for some time. Like why wouldn't you want to be totally together and at peace. So many of us focus on everything else we can achieve first. We acknowledge the faults here and there but we don't go full force on what's needed to get rid of them. You the saying, "we all have faults," stagnates many from ever working on anything within them. Please note that self-development extends further than just “faults.”
I'm in the process of restructuring KO. Oddly enough I work with more women in creating businesses than personal coaching. I get it building an empire is definitely sexier than working on you.
Yet, it actually confused me for some time. Like why wouldn't you want to be totally together and at peace. So many of us focus on everything else we can achieve first. We acknowledge the faults here and there but we don't go full force on what's needed to get rid of them. You know the saying, "we all have faults," stagnates many from ever working on anything within them. Please note that self-development extends further than just “faults.”
Example:
Shay has trust issues which she openly admits, but isn't willing to look at the source or even take the steps to rid herself of these issues. She signs up with me for biz coaching. Shay and I get her business running. Shay is really crushing it! I'm proud of her, she's proud! Amazing opportunities start popping up left and right for her business. However, she doesn't believe that the opportunities are legit, based upon her own issues with not being able to trust people. Subsequently, she misses out many times because she's doubtful and backdoor researching the opportunity.
Change is hard. I'll be the first to admit it's hard....really hard. Then to admit to another person that you need help with whatever *insert vice/fault is* OMG?!? I get it.
My bestie says I try to save everyone and I'm probably guilty as charged. Most people are okay with their chaos and guess what?!? I'm learning to be cool with everyone not wanting to be happy and at peace. As Project Pat says, “[they] don't want to be saved.”
I just know firsthand how GOOD life can be with it. Just like I would tell you what my favorite lipstick is and how amazing it is and keeps my lips moisturized, I want you to be happy and fulfilled. If you're reading this, you are definitely headed in the right direction. Anyone not interested in change on any level, wouldn’t read these type of posts. So Kudos to you! I hope you have your GPS on and set towards happiness, freedom, riches...whatever your desire(s) may be. Go ahead and put that desire in google directions, it isn't going to take you anywhere. Sorry sunshine! You will have to do some leg work.
Most don't want to put the work in. They want magic to occur. Happiness, freedom, and riches are all magical but they don't just fall out the sky because you're beautiful. Trust me...I have gazed at the sky many of days and at the most I was lucky to not have had a bird poop on me.
I often joke and say “Operation get my life right!” Operation get my life right is anytime I feel a shift that something in my life isn't aligned. Think of a car’s alignment, if you remove your hands off the steering wheel and if it shifts to the right or the left...you need an alignment. If I stop doing my daily practices (gratitude, rest, play) then I begin to notice a shift and I need “Operation get my life right.” If I've had more cheat meals in a week then my clean eating regime...then it’s time for “Operation get my life right!”
Seems easy enough. However, you will never know if you're shifting, if you've never been aligned with your core values and desires. When you begin working on the hard things is when you begin to create internal alignments. It takes time, but with love and patience, it happens.
No worries to my lovely ladies that are truly working on that core alignment. Personal coaching isn't going away, I just want you to be aware when you see some new things. Change can be so hard. ;) Inspirational posts will continue because that's just who I am...always trying to save someone ;)
Black Female Addicted to Retail
Black female addicted to retail
“And she be dealing with some issues that you can't believe…Single black female, addicted to retail.”- Kanye
My shoe budget was higher than my grocery and savings budget...yeah I know her. If there was a sale at a department store, I knew before the employees.
Shopping addiction is not even touching it.
Black female addicted to retail
“And she be dealing with some issues that you can’t believe…Single black female, addicted to retail.”
My shoe budget was higher than my grocery and savings budget...yeah I know her. If there was a sale at a department store, I knew before the employees.
Shopping addiction is not even touching it.
Retail therapy...if I was upset...I shopped. If I was bored...I shopped. If I was happy...I shopped. If I was hungry...I went to Nordstroms and would shop afterwards.
My most recent frequented sites were fashion sites and my favorite stores. My closet became a store for my friends. I wouldn't wear things twice, plus so many items still have tags on them. I will note I didn't use credit cards to purchase anything during retail therapy as I don't believe in debt.
So what I've noticed in working with minority women that are very similar to the old me. We would rather invest $500-$1000 on a purse (*insert your fancy*) than invest in ourselves.
Investing in ourselves could be coaching, personal trainer, gym membership, a course not covered by financial aid, real estate. Whatever it is...we hold ourselves back waiting for someone else to give us the opportunity. Choose yourself! There are new rules! And guess who makes the rules? You do! You know you have the power to transform your life into every beautiful detail you sit around and dream about. But guess what cupcake? Deferring those dreams because you don’t invest in yourself is such a waste of purpose.
We might say, “when the rate goes down, I'll sign up,” or “it's just too expensive.”
Truly evaluate the things that you wanted to do to further yourself but you didn't invest because you believed that you couldn't afford it.
When I was in grad school, I went to see a therapist. Granted my insurance paid for majority of the costs and I paid the co-pay. But I wanted to evaluate the process and to ensure I was “healed” enough to heal others. Going to that appointment actually helped me with my counseling skills, because now I know how intimidating it can feel going to the first appointment. But that’s another post entirely.
Invest time in yourself. Research things. Google is my BFF, but so is the library. I read about two books a week. Even with my hectic schedule, because there’s so much I need to learn about the things I want to improve on. The library is free unless you forget to return the books. I probably have 22 books checked out right now from business, health, cookbooks, to self-help. Just as I make “me time” to pamper myself, I have time where I invest in myself.
Monetary investments can be scary. I know! I really do. I recently invested in a coach. What a coach has a coach?!? Yes! I’ve learned ALL the greats have coaches. We all need mentors in various areas. I can say I’m an amazing coach, mentor, and therapist, but I don’t know everything. Sometimes I even get discouraged, and depending on the area(s) of your life coaches are there for you. If Michael Jordan and Lebron James can take instruction from a coach, I am definitely coachable. You may not need coaching in any area of your life, but I’m sure there are things that you are deferring that could get you where you truly want in life. Don’t be that lady addicted to retail and make excuses for why you are unable to invest in yourself.
Successful people don’t wait – they spend money, time, and effort on their own growth because they know without doubt it will pay off – for themselves and everyone around them. Failing to invest in yourself is just another form of self-limiting behaviors.
Cultivate your passion
I have a program Passion vs. Purpose, not a shameless plug, I promise. It's always interesting to watch others "find" their passions. Once it's broken down, the things we think we're passionate about are just mere things that just tickle our passion meter.
“Purpose is the reason you journey. Passion is the fire that lights your way.”
I have an event planning business. I love party planning. The creativity behind creating one of a kind moments that will WOW people, and to leave an impact on the client. Our motto is "we plan, you party." This is where the drama begins. The average person can't afford an event planner. Want to know the science behind that? You don't need one. So those that can afford the planner forget that they want the planner to plan, it's as though they were put in office as a dictator. (Reason #1 why I don’t do weddings, that adds another level of crazy) This situation rips the freedom and creativity out of party planning, and for a lack of a better term, kills my vibe. Event planning is not a passion of mine. Just something I'm good at and I like to do on my terms. Once I learned this, I restructured my business. I offer consultations for ideas and to pick my brain for tips. I don't advertise. Some business eh? When you're good, people will advertise for you. Just as I was typing this, I had a lady to call me requesting I do centerpieces for a wedding in May. But my true passions have my 2014 eventful. I'm not willing to "waste" my time organizing ideas, researching cheap and affordable materials, producing the centerpieces, and distributing them. The money could easily be worth it, but I'm not money driven, I'm passion driven. I referred her to an associate of mine. And guess what her passion is?
“Your work is to discover your work and then, with all your heart, to give yourself to it.”
Do you want to tickle your passion meter? Or do you want to submerge yourself fully and reap the full benefits. Stop using fillers and distractions to occupy temporary smiles, cultivate your passion.
“Only passions, great passions, can elevate the soul to great things.”
How do you find passions? Look at what you love to do, see, and think about. Write your passions out. 100 of them. Doesn't matter how silly or unrealistic, take some time and think of 100 things that you really like and love doing and seeing.
“Neglecting passion blocks creative flow. When you’re passionate, you’re energized. Likewise, when you lack passion, your energy is low and unproductive. Energy is everything when it comes to being successful.”
Stop "following your passion," there's no freedom in occasionally taking a walk with your passion. Cultivate it!!! Learn about your passion, love it, nurture it, and help it to grow. Cultivate your passion. This is something you love, you wouldn't just merely walk behind your mate throughout life and wait for them to look back and wink at you from time to time. Hunay, now you know, you would NOT stand for that. Some passions take foreplay, have fun with it, be consistent, and that euphoric happiness will come. ;)
Everyone should have at least one thing that makes thing super duper excited that they have to share with the world and can talk about it forever with anyone. Sad thing is, most people don’t. No worries, we all have the ability, sometimes diamonds just need to be dusted off and cleaned before they can shine their brightest. Remember in the 8 Ways to Get Your Life I talked about Maslow’s Hierachy of Needs? Passion is hard to focus on if the physiological, safety, love/belonging, and esteem haven’t been reached yet. And again, no worries, if you want to get to happy, it’s all possible. Passion and happiness are interconnected.
Live. Love. Action
1. Tell someone you haven't told all week that you love them.
2. Write 100 of your passions.
3. Email them to me (Kimber@kimberleeonline.com) and we'll complete a passion inventory together.
Story time
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We all love stories. From action packed movies to scripted reality TV. The moment one of our girlfriend's say "Girl...you aren't going to believe this..." we are tuned in. I have shared a few stories with you to let you know that whatever is in the back of your closet, let it out! It can't hurt you ever again, unless you're ok with those unwanted memories....I will caution that if you have experienced or suspect that you may have ever been physically or sexually abused, a trained therapist is a must.
Not everyone will appreciate your story, and guess what?!? That's fine! You will know who you feel comfortable and trust enough to share with. Own your story, trust your struggle. No pity parties. This isn't about all the wrongs, but how you can bring all the right! It's your social obligation to let your light shine.
Once you understand the importance of a story, you realize that you, the author of your life, have control of the upcoming chapters. You will connect and realize that you may co-author others stories and the realization will help you decide to how you want to be involved in these stories, if at all.
Stories explore experiences. We all have them- good and bad. They are our makeup just as our DNA. By sharing stories we invite others into our worlds. I invite you into my world and hope that one day you too will extend that invitation to me.
Experience is a wonderful teacher.
Cultivate your truth!
What is your truth? It's all you have honey.
Who are you?
What are your strengths?
What are your weaknesses?
What are your values?
What are your boundaries?
What do you stand for?
What three things enhance your happiness? (Do more of that!)
What skeletons are left in your closet? (Clean that closet out!)
Who hurt you?
How have you hurt?
Who do you love?
Who loves you?
What's the last lie you told?
What relationship plagues you the most?
What relationship makes your soul happy?
Who do you need to apologize to?
What apology are you waiting on?
What do people depend on you for?
What do you depend on others for?
What do you aspire to become?
Only 2% reading this will answer those questions thoughtfully and truthfully.
Cultivating your truth means getting to know yourself fully. Knowing your grounds and the base of every thought, decision, and action. This is done through awareness (questions above) and acceptance. Once you've accepted your truth (the good, the bad, and the ugly) cultivate it as you would a small child.
Communicate this is my truth....”I am”...! Whatever “I am” is.It will either bring you peace or discomfort.
If the "I am" brings you discomfort, those are parts of your truth that you should work on. Cultivate your truth! Seek to nurture and learn as much about yourself each day.
Every decision you make is based on your truth. Not your mama's, not your daddy's, not that man that left you, not the man you left, not your kids, not your pastors, but yours!
What's your truth?
Daily Affirmation- Contagious
Good morning beautiful! Read it, believe it, receive it! My success is contagious! Positive thoughts will make magnificent changes in your life. If you know someone who could benefit from these affirmations, share away! Sharing is caring! ;) How did you start your week?
Daily Affirmation: No right to compare
Good morning! Read it, believe it, receive it! Positive thoughts will make magnificent changes in your life. If you know someone who could benefit from these affirmations, share away! Happy Friday! Any exciting plans for this weekend?
Daily Affirmation: Radiate love
Initially I told myself that I would not "annoy" you with multiple affirmations in your inbox, but you know what?!? When shifts begin happening negativity loves to show it's ugly face. So instead of my thought of sending a few affirmations at a time, it's back to daily.
Read it, believe it, receive it! Positive thoughts will make magnificent changes in your life. If you know someone who could benefit from these affirmations, share away! Sharing is caring! ;) Have a beautiful day.
Daily Affirmations: No problems
Good morning! Sometimes we get stuck on the problem or the issue and not solution. Not going forward, no worries! Read it, believe it, receive it! Positive thoughts will make magnificent changes in your life. If you know someone who could benefit from these affirmations, share away! Sharing is caring! ;) Have a beautiful day.
Daily Affirmation: I am not my circumstances
Good day! Read it. Believe it. Recite it three times today. Positive thoughts will make magnificent changes in your life. If you know someone who could benefit from these affirmations, share away! Sharing is caring! ;) Have a beautiful day.
