Self-development is scary

I'm in the process of restructuring KO. Oddly enough I work with more women in creating businesses than personal coaching. I get it building an empire is definitely sexier than working on you.

Yet, it actually confused me for some time. Like why wouldn't you want to be totally together and at peace. So many of us focus on everything else we can achieve first. We acknowledge the faults here and there but we don't go full force on what's needed to get rid of them. You know the saying, "we all have faults," stagnates many from ever working on anything within them. Please note that self-development extends further than just “faults.”

Example:

Shay has trust issues which she openly admits, but isn't willing to look at the source or even take the steps to rid herself of these issues. She signs up with me for biz coaching. Shay and I get her business running. Shay is really crushing it! I'm proud of her, she's proud!  Amazing opportunities start popping up left and right for her business. However, she doesn't believe that the opportunities are legit, based upon her own issues with not being able to trust people.  Subsequently, she misses out many times because she's doubtful and backdoor researching the opportunity.

Change is hard. I'll be the first to admit it's hard....really hard. Then to admit to another person that you need help with whatever *insert vice/fault is* OMG?!? I get it.

My bestie says I try to save everyone and I'm probably guilty as charged. Most people are okay with their chaos and guess what?!? I'm learning to be cool with everyone not wanting to be happy and at peace.  As Project Pat says, “[they] don't want to be saved.”
 I just know firsthand how GOOD life can be with it. Just like I would tell you what my favorite lipstick is and how amazing it is and keeps my lips moisturized, I want you to be happy and fulfilled. If you're reading this, you are definitely headed in the right direction. Anyone not interested in change on any level, wouldn’t read these type of posts. So Kudos to you! I hope you have your GPS on and set towards happiness, freedom, riches...whatever your desire(s) may be. Go ahead and put that desire in google directions, it isn't going to take you anywhere. Sorry sunshine! You will have to do some leg work.

Most don't want to put the work in. They want magic to occur. Happiness, freedom, and riches are all magical but they don't just fall out the sky because you're beautiful. Trust me...I have gazed at the sky many of days and at the most I was lucky to not have had a bird poop on me.

I often joke and say “Operation get my life right!” Operation get my life right is anytime I feel a shift that something in my life isn't aligned. Think of a car’s alignment, if you remove your hands off the steering wheel and if it shifts to the right or the left...you need an alignment.  If I stop doing my daily practices (gratitude, rest, play) then I begin to notice a shift and I need “Operation get my life right.” If I've had more cheat meals in a week then my clean eating regime...then it’s time for “Operation get my life right!”

Seems easy enough.  However, you will never know if you're shifting, if you've never been aligned with your core values and desires. When you begin working on the hard things is when you begin to create internal alignments. It takes time, but with love and patience, it happens.

No worries to my lovely ladies that are truly working on that core alignment. Personal coaching isn't going away, I just want you to be aware when you see some new things. Change can be so hard. ;) Inspirational posts will continue because that's just who I am...always trying to save someone ;)

Protect your peace

I was driving in the car and started thinking about peace, I thought it would be perfect for someone. Maybe you're that someone. :) 

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Dramaticals are defined as drama productions created by individuals starring them for their own satisfaction and misery. 

Black Female Addicted to Retail

Black female addicted to retail

“And she be dealing with some issues that you can’t believe…Single black female, addicted to retail.”

— Kanye West

My shoe budget was higher than my grocery and savings budget...yeah I know her. If there was a sale at a department store, I knew before the employees.

Shopping addiction is not even touching it.

Retail therapy...if I was upset...I shopped. If I was bored...I shopped. If I was happy...I shopped. If I was hungry...I went to Nordstroms and would shop afterwards.

My most recent frequented sites were fashion sites and my favorite stores. My closet became a store for my friends. I wouldn't wear things twice, plus so many items still have tags on them. I will note I didn't use credit cards to purchase anything during retail therapy as I don't believe in debt.

So what I've noticed in working with minority women that are very similar to the old me. We would rather invest $500-$1000 on a purse (*insert your fancy*) than invest in ourselves.

Investing in ourselves could be coaching, personal trainer, gym membership, a course not covered by financial aid, real estate. Whatever it is...we hold ourselves back waiting for someone else to give us the opportunity. Choose yourself! There are new rules! And guess who makes the rules? You do! You know you have the power to transform your life into every beautiful detail you sit around and dream about. But guess what cupcake? Deferring those dreams because you don’t invest in yourself is such a waste of purpose.

We might say, “when the rate goes down, I'll sign up,” or “it's just too expensive.”

Truly evaluate the things that you wanted to do to further yourself but you didn't invest because you believed that you couldn't afford it.

When I was in grad school, I went to see a therapist. Granted my insurance paid for majority of the costs and I paid the co-pay. But I wanted to evaluate the process and to ensure I was “healed” enough to heal others. Going to that appointment actually helped me with my counseling skills, because now I know how intimidating it can feel going to the first appointment. But that’s another post entirely.

Invest time in yourself. Research things. Google is my BFF, but so is the library. I read about two books a week. Even with my hectic schedule, because there’s so much I need to learn about the things I want to improve on. The library is free unless you forget to return the books. I probably have 22 books checked out right now from business, health, cookbooks, to self-help. Just as I make “me time” to pamper myself, I have time where I invest in myself.

Monetary investments can be scary. I know! I really do. I recently invested in a coach. What a coach has a coach?!? Yes! I’ve learned ALL the greats have coaches. We all need mentors in various areas. I can say I’m an amazing coach, mentor, and therapist, but I don’t know everything. Sometimes I even get discouraged, and depending on the area(s) of your life coaches are there for you. If Michael Jordan and Lebron James can take instruction from a coach, I am definitely coachable. You may not need coaching in any area of your life, but I’m sure there are things that you are deferring that could get you where you truly want in life. Don’t be that lady addicted to retail and make excuses for why you are unable to invest in yourself.

Successful people don’t wait – they spend money, time, and effort on their own growth because they know without doubt it will pay off – for themselves and everyone around them. Failing to invest in yourself is just another form of self-limiting behaviors. 

Friday Confession: People are all talk

People love to hear themselves talk. I’ll admit it; I’m included in that too. But one thing that really bothers me is when there is no action behind that talk. You know when someone starts to tell you ALL these things they are going to do, yet they rarely begin. So you just wasted my time listening to ALL these exciting and amazing things that I know you would excel at, and your own time describing and explaining it ALL to me. I read an article a few months ago, that mentioned the moment we tell others our goals and aspirations or even things we want to do, we then feel a bit of accomplishment. As if we have accomplished something by merely talking. Sounds so odd, but I began to notice when I did it, and when others would do it.

In coaching, mentoring, and therapy I hear talk more so than the average. Now don’t get me wrong, I love what I do, because I love helping. However, I’m no help if the person has no follow through. We all want to change, but very few are willing to put forth the efforts to accomplish the change.  In graduate school, I learned many theories and reasons as to why people change, as well as why they don’t.  In order to change the pain (or unwanted thing/event) must be so unbearable that you can't imagine feeling (dealing with) it anymore. Very commonsensical, who would continue to do things that they don’t like, right? Wrong! Everyday people do it. That job they complain about, yet guess where they are still employed at? That friend that drives them crazy, guess who they are hanging out with this weekend? So many situations…can you think of any in your life?

 In looking at my own life, I rarely made a change until I decided the “pain” was too much to bear.  When I had my first son, I was 18 years old and undecided about college. I would go then I would quit then I would go again, and I would quit again. I played a refund game with Sally Mae for a few years. I would go long enough to get my refund check, and then I would drop out.  I had my daughter at 21 years old and I hated the jobs that were available to me, and that’s IF I worked. Between my parents supporting me and my Huni, I was in my comfort zone. The “pain” wasn’t bad enough to make a change. I quit a “good job,” and decided I really wanted more. I needed more freedom, I wanted fulfillment, I didn’t appreciate the way the clientele would talk to me. And this is back when my attitude was “nuck if you buck,” and I hadn’t fine-tuned my assertiveness.  I went back to college and did exceptionally well. My pain was too much to bear.

I want you to really think about things that you want to change, how bad is the pain? Is that why you haven’t made any progress towards this change? Do you even want to change?

I’ll leave you with this, before verbalizing any changes you want to make, do, or embark on, write it down and an estimated completion date. Include one actionable step you can do within two days to get the process going. Once that’s completed tell two people and give them your estimated completion date. These people should be persons that will hold you accountable to your date. 

Cultivate your passion

I have a program Passion vs. Purpose, not a shameless plug, I promise. It's always interesting to watch others "find" their passions. Once it's broken down, the things we think we're passionate about are just mere things that just tickle our passion meter.

“Purpose is the reason you journey.  Passion is the fire that lights your way.”

I have an event planning business. I love party planning. The creativity behind creating one of a kind moments that will WOW people, and to leave an impact on the client. Our motto is "we plan, you party." This is where the drama begins. The average person can't afford an event planner. Want to know the science behind that? You don't need one. So those that can afford the planner forget that they want the planner to plan, it's as though they were put in office as a dictator. (Reason #1 why I don’t do weddings, that adds another level of crazy) This situation rips the freedom and creativity out of party planning, and for a lack of a better term, kills my vibe. Event planning is not a passion of mine. Just something I'm good at and I like to do on my terms. Once I learned this, I restructured my business. I offer consultations for ideas and to pick my brain for tips.  I don't advertise. Some business eh? When you're good, people will advertise for you. Just as I was typing this, I had a lady to call me requesting I do centerpieces for a wedding in May. But my true passions have my 2014 eventful. I'm not willing to "waste" my time organizing ideas, researching cheap and affordable materials, producing the centerpieces, and distributing them. The money could easily be worth it, but I'm not money driven, I'm passion driven. I referred her to an associate of mine. And guess what her passion is?

“Your work is to discover your work and then, with all your heart, to give yourself to it.”

Do you want to tickle your passion meter? Or do you want to submerge yourself fully and reap the full benefits. Stop using fillers and distractions to occupy temporary smiles, cultivate your passion.

“Only passions, great passions, can elevate the soul to great things.”

How do you find passions? Look at what you love to do, see, and think about. Write your passions out. 100 of them. Doesn't matter how silly or unrealistic, take some time and think of 100 things that you really like and love doing and seeing.

“Neglecting passion blocks creative flow.  When you’re passionate, you’re energized.  Likewise, when you lack passion, your energy is low and unproductive.  Energy is everything when it comes to being successful.”

Stop "following your passion," there's no freedom in occasionally taking a walk with your passion. Cultivate it!!! Learn about your passion, love it, nurture it, and help it to grow. Cultivate your passion. This is something you love, you wouldn't just merely walk behind your mate throughout life and wait for them to look back and wink at you from time to time. Hunay, now you know, you would NOT stand for that. Some passions take foreplay, have fun with it, be consistent, and that euphoric happiness will come. ;)

Everyone should have at least one thing that makes thing super duper excited that they have to share with the world and can talk about it forever with anyone. Sad thing is, most people don’t. No worries, we all have the ability, sometimes diamonds just need to be dusted off and cleaned before they can shine their brightest. Remember in the 8 Ways to Get Your Life I talked about Maslow’s Hierachy of Needs? Passion is hard to focus on if the physiological, safety, love/belonging, and esteem haven’t been reached yet. And again, no worries, if you want to get to happy, it’s all possible.  Passion and happiness are interconnected.  

Live. Love. Action

1. Tell someone you haven't told all week that you love them.

2. Write 100 of your passions.

3. Email them to me (Kimber@kimberleeonline.com) and we'll complete a passion inventory together.

How I wanted to save the world

What did you want to do when you were a child?

I wanted to save the world. I wanted to make everyone happy. Pretty ambitious/typical for a child, eh? Society convinced me that I couldn't save the world. Then I realized society is a word we all hide behind. Who is society? How many people consist of this society, that so many of us have found fear in? Either it's fear of disappointing, being ostracized by, or whatever fear we convince ourselves of. Once I got over imaginary society, I decided I can still "save" the world and make people happy.  Is society holding you back?

Our natural strengths combined with passion makes us unstoppable...only when consistent.

What are your natural strengths?

I believe my natural strengths are that I'm friendly (maybe too friendly), compassionate, genuine, creative, and I'm real. I asked the people closest to me what my three-five best characteristics are. This was about a year ago...here are their responses...unedited:

honesty

resilient

perseverance

determined

free spirit

intelligent

Being humble

Creative

Hard worker

Detailed oriented

extremely creative

passionate

Compassionate

funny

maternal

Sweet

loveable

smart

You r smart

witty

creative

smart

creative

 innovative

Honest

open minded

loving

Pretty

Supporting

intelligent

Creative

fun

adventurous

realistic

resilient

spoiled brat! Lol

strong

empathetic 

great mother

 and best of all Great wife!

charming

compassionate

 adaptable

persistent

worrsum

generous

sense of humor

empathic

 loving

real

ambitious

Ur a caring hands on mom, thats intelligent, humorous, I'm looking for the word that describes ppl that think outside the box

Your passion,Your beautiful smile,Creative Energy & Realism

Can you guess which response was my huni?

I measure up pretty well. I make an effort to show up daily. What does that mean? I am conscious about my moves and decisions and especially my thoughts. Every morning I start with my journal. I make an affirmation that I am here to help and I will help x amount of people on that day. Back in 2004 I also made a conscious decision to ensure that every interaction I had with others was authentic and genuine. So what you see with me is what you get. I don't say things to make anyone feel better or worse, I tell the truth. With my realism, there are often times, I hold my tongue. If I know the person is not capable of processing the truth, I won’t harm them with a truth that will only harm them, just to get them to see the light. That just proves I think I’m right. It does no good for either of us. Most people have aversions to the truth; despite verbalizing they really want it.  I’m in the helping business, not the hurting, but I will guide you to your truth. If you’re ready.

Human relationships are extremely important to me. I put forth extra effort with people. I give chances. I forgive and I forgive. I don't always forget, but guess what?!? I'm human. My friends call me “neutral nancy.” I pretty much get along with everyone.  There's no chance in that, I make a conscious effort. Daily I laugh, I smile, and make strangers feel as if we are best friends reunited, and I apologize when I'm wrong. Anyone that doesn't like me is either pre my conscious efforts or a woman scorned. Note: don't waste energy on trying to win over haters. Despite how freaking amazing you are (and you are) some people just can't deal with all the sunshine God has placed in you. Channel that energy to loving those that love you even more.

Every day I’m focused on helping someone to become a better person, whatever that looks like to them. I might not save the world, but I'm definitely making deposits so it will be better. Live consciously, no more drifting and going with the flow. I want you to show up every day, show up and show out!

Live. Love. Action.

1.    What are your three to five best characteristics?

2.    Ask three people closest to you what they think your best characteristics are?

3.    Compare the lists. Any similarities? What contrasts should you work on?

4.    Try to live every day on purpose...your purpose

No!vember

I love November! I was born in November. I love me! Thanksgiving is in November. I love food! I really love food.

I believe we all should do more of what makes us happy, and less of that which doesn't. A lot less, like not all. So for No!vember that's right you guessed it, we are saying No! You like how I included you? You too are joining me. What do you have to lose? 

Adults do what they want to do! 

If someone asks you to do something and you don't want to. Just say No! Go do something you enjoy. Don't feel bad. Invite your friend along to share in the fun. 

If someone is projecting their feelings on to you, just say No! Not today. Direct them to deal with their own feelings. 

“A ‘No’ uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a ‘Yes’ merely uttered to please, or worse, to avoid trouble.

”

— Mahatma Gandhi

Saying No! Isn't mean it's a means to preserving yourself. People will say no to you and don't take it to heart, sometimes No! Just means the time isn't right. Revel in the beauty of that. 

As in all communication, it's all in how you say it. Not what you say. Check this article out on how to say no. 

No to fear! 

No to injustices! 

No to anything keeping you from your truth! 

What are you saying No! to this month? 

Project 100 No's

Rejection is a bad word that we're conditioned to fear early on. Who wants to be rejected? 

I do! That's right. I have had some of the best opportunities and things awarded to me after being rejected. 

If you ever feel discouraged when you hear the word “No,’ remember that if you don’t hear “No” ENOUGH, you’re not asking ENOUGH people! 

In life you have to put yourself out there, take that leap of faith, all that good stuff. Being afraid of hearing "No!" Should be the least of our concerns.

If I get to 100 No's then I should get at least 10 Yeses. Stop holding on to those talents with an imaginary days on when you're going to get started. 

Wanna know a secret? It took me two years to start coaching even though I had been counseling for years and "coaching" and mentoring everyone I knew for years. I was scared of what people would think. All the confidence I had was in a corner. One day I was coaching a peer and she said "you should really expand on this coaching to women everywhere." And at that moment, I knew I had to. The four or five people that I thought would have negative comments were not my concern. I had lives to change. 

I figure between DIVAS, Inc (my non-profit organization for girls) and Kimber Lee Online, I will be at 100 No's in a year. 

Anyone want to join me on this project 100 journey? If you say NO it's okay, I can dig it, I'm getting prepared for rejection.

I'll share the raw and ugly no's and the beautiful yeses. 

ABC’S of Self Love

Just as the alphabet is the foundation for words, sentences, communication, and education. These ABC’s of self-love are the foundation for a euphoric life full of joy.

A is for Acceptance. Accept yourself as you are TODAY!

B is for Be Kind. Be Kind to yourself.

C is for Cultivate. Cultivate your truth.

D is for Distance. Distance yourself from things and people that don't bring you joy.

E is for Evaluate. Every 90 days do a self-evaluation. Are current actions getting you to where you want to  be in life? Are they aligned with your truth? 

F is for Feelings. Allow yourself to feel an array of emotions. If your sad, it's ok, embrace it. Too many times we hide emotions to appease others or because society has taught us just to be "happy," and content. 

G is for Gravitate. Gravitate towards your North Star. What’s leading you in life?

H is for Humility. “Clarity and consistency are not enough: the quest for truth requires humility and effort.”
I is for Invest. Invest in yourself. Not just a pair of shoes and a Pedi, but things that will enhance the quality of your life, i.e. personal trainer, life coach. 

J is for Joy. “Comparison is the thief of joy.” 

K is for Keep. Keep your head up beautiful.  

L is for Love. Love yourself enough to not compromise yourself 

M is for Move on! 

N is for Nurture. Nurture your strengths! 

O is for Own. Own your truth! 

P is for Protect. Protect your insecurities. 

Q is for Question. Question things and situations until you gain clarity. 

R is for Respect. Respect yourself! 

S is for Sexy. Preserve your sexy! 

T is for Transparency. Be transparent and allow others to see your inner light.

U is for understanding. Seek to understand, then to be understood. 

V is for voids. Fill the voids.

W is for worth. Know your worth! 

X is for excitement (ehhh).  

Y is for youth.

Z is for Zest.  Find your Zest, things and people that bring you excitement and enjoyment.

Journaling to Happy

via

Are you happy? What does happy look like for you? Daily I help women get to their happy. However, each woman defines it differently. The pursuit of happiness is ongoing and unattached from people and things. 

In my sessions with the girls I mentor through Divas, Inc., my nonprofit organization, I focus on the exploration of emotions. Try knowing and understanding how you feel and react will help with defining your happy.

Do you journal? If not, you should. Picking out a pretty journal and a nice pen would be my favorite part of the process. I would often forget to journal for a few days and then all together. When you make change to daily habits, a mind shift occurs. 

Stick to a diet for 21 days and see how it's easier to pass up fatty foods. 

It takes 21 days of repeatedly doing something before your mind registers it as a habit. Some people need as long as 60 days. For this reason, my development programs are a minimum of 90 days for motivated women seeking change. 

If you haven't found your happy. If you need help defining your happy. Or if you want to cultivate positivity and measure your growth. Get a journal. 

Every day. Yes, every day journal these five things. 

Every morning before starting your day complete these:

1. Today I am thankful for: (list five things) 

2. I am: (an affirmation)

If you aren't there yet, speak it into existence. What do you want to become?

Each night before bed, reflect on your day with these:

3. What were the three best parts of my day? 

4. One trait that I really love about myself is:

5. One positive thing that I can do to make tomorrow better is:

The power of positive thinking is one of the greatest tools you have to living euphorically.

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