30 Things that make me happy
So often we discuss the negatives and the bad things happening to us. I actually avoid these conversations UNLESS we are getting to a solution. Complaining without change is pointless. However today I wanted to share 30 things that make me happy. Despite life’s little annoyances, we can find happiness in everything, if we want to.
1. Forehead kisses
2. Rainbows
3. Bacon
4. Cupcakes
5. Mid day naps
6. Long hot showers
7. Instant friendships
8. Catching up with an old friend
9. Handwritten letters
10. Bubble baths
11. Finding money I didn't know I lost
12. Baby's giggling
13. Children telling jokes
14. Free wifi
15. Butterflies
16. Making others smile
17. Laughing until I cry
18. Playing taboo
19. Full tank of gas
20. Ice cream cones in the summer
21. Clouds resembling images
22. The smell of fresh laundry
23. Pink sand
24. The feel of fresh bed sheets
25. Fresh lemonade
26. Eating a home cooked meal from scratch that I didn't have to prepare
27. President Obama
28. The smell of fresh bread
29. Possibilities
30. Sunsets
31. Happy People
Okay, so I threw in 31 things. Today’s my birthday and I’m a rebel with a cause, forgive me. What three things make you happy?
How to Move On
Have you ever been so in love with someone and they just won't get it together? You don't want to leave...okay, one more chance. I'll give them one more chance. *whispers* but that one chance turns to two and maybe even three.
You might not even be in love. It could be a girlfriend that you just enjoy spending time with, but she gossips so much that it's no longer entertaining but a judgment session.
Sometimes we have to move on from situations and people that we love, especially if they aren't respecting limits and boundaries that we set.
1. Set limits with people.
{C}2. {C}If crossed, there should be a plan of action.
{C}3. {C}The plan of action should have a natural consequence.
When you set your limits and boundaries, you are essentially creating a contract: I do not accept XYZ. If XYZ were to occur, then I will have to do ABC.
Natural consequences aren't to be used as threats. You have to hold up to your end of the bargain and know that most people don't respond well to threats. Plus empty threats reinforce unwanted behaviors.
You are going to run into people who are going to break this contract.
Some over and over and ov...you better not let anyone disrespect you like that. Subsequently, people will try to push your limits and not because they are horrible people who just like to push your buttons. Although there are some real jerks out there. The average person may just feel like their agenda is greater than yours. And for this difference, forgiveness is possible.
I'm a sucker for second chances and forgiveness, but I'm nobody’s fool. Hunay, please doesn’t play the fool. I truly believe I have a masters in moving on. Back in high school my male BFF nicknamed me "keep it moving", and shortened it to "moving." Life stands still for none of us. We all have to keep it moving, even when we don't want to. Forgiveness will change your life.
We need to learn to let go. We need to be able to forgive, so we can move on and be happy.
Moving on is usually bitter sweet. It's as if we're forcing ourselves to give up on people and situations. And sometimes that's exactly what we need to do, to experience happiness. Holding onto situations and people that don't want involvement is like pouring alcohol on an open wound.
You don't need permission to move on. You don't even have to tell the other part(ies) if you think that will cause additional issues. It's not about them.
1. Determine if after forgiveness will the relationship or situation continue causing you distress, and (or) going against your personal values.
2. Commit to letting go and moving on- it won’t be overnight.
3. Be at peace and remain in the present- you can’t keep thoughts of the situation. Moving on is moving past the situation and forward from the past.
Dealing with difficult people
Some people are hard to love. Sometimes we’re hard to love. Okay, maybe that’s just me. Some people are difficult. We’re difficult. Don’t leave me hanging; I know you can be difficult sometimes too. People mess up. We mess up. No matter how bad things get in life, despite our efforts, we will always need companionship. If you’re thinking, “No, I don’t need anyone,” honey, you will and do, give it a few rough years to see the need.
Let’s be clear, your need and my need may
vary, but the need is there.
We all need people and relationships to strive. Being around others improves our moods. Engaging in healthy relationships contributes to our happiness. Keyword healthy.
Now let’s go back to difficult people. *sigh* We all have had a few (or more than) interactions with people that drive us crazy with their difficult ways. They could be family members, co-workers, associates, friends, and (or) lovers. No matter the title that you give this individual, you have to determine is their “crazy” or level of difficulty worth enduring. If your mama is the person or if it’s your nosy meddling neighbor, you have to decide.
In any relationship or interaction, we have to accept the person for who they are. Radical acceptance- it is what it is. Now you don’t have to like it, but a spade is a spade. It doesn't transform into a diamond because you don’t like spades.
Difficult people are our teachers. They teach us what we don’t want to deal with or accept. And in turn we teach others how to treat us. Once you learn what you don’t want to accept, then you create boundaries and set limits. If you fail to do this, you are teaching people they can interact with you at their disposable; the ball will forever remain in their court.
Difficult people reveal patterns in us and our lives. If you notice that difficult people are constant in your life and only their name and face changes. Evaluate these patterns and the difficulties that affect you the most. Dealing with these people can cause us to lose our rational coping skills and initiate negative emotions. It’s hard to be rational with an irrational person.
:: Tips for dealing with the difficult ::
Don’t take irrational people personal.
Set limits.
Don’t take the bait! You know they are difficult, they have showed you time and time again.
Stop being surprised when they act a fool!
My peace and joy is important to me. I don’t have time for unnecessary distress. Remember it’s 100% your choice on who is on your team and a part of your cast. Occasionally we have disputes with others, but if an individual is continuously bringing you distress, who is to blame?
Live. Love. Action
1. What are your own irrational beliefs? We all have our own demons (issues) that we are dealing or not dealing with.
a. Now connect the dots with the characteristics and irrational beliefs of the difficult people in your life.
2. Love yourself like it’s nobody’s business. :)
3. Make an important decision.
No!vember
I love November! I was born in November. I love me! Thanksgiving is in November. I love food! I really love food.
I believe we all should do more of what makes us happy, and less of that which doesn't. A lot less, like not all. So for No!vember that's right you guessed it, we are saying No! You like how I included you? You too are joining me. What do you have to lose?
Adults do what they want to do!
If someone asks you to do something and you don't want to. Just say No! Go do something you enjoy. Don't feel bad. Invite your friend along to share in the fun.
If someone is projecting their feelings on to you, just say No! Not today. Direct them to deal with their own feelings.
“A ‘No’ uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a ‘Yes’ merely uttered to please, or worse, to avoid trouble.
”
Saying No! Isn't mean it's a means to preserving yourself. People will say no to you and don't take it to heart, sometimes No! Just means the time isn't right. Revel in the beauty of that.
As in all communication, it's all in how you say it. Not what you say. Check this article out on how to say no.
No to fear!
No to injustices!
No to anything keeping you from your truth!
What are you saying No! to this month?
Project 100 No's
Rejection is a bad
word that we're conditioned to fear early on. Who wants to be rejected?
I do! That's right. I have had some of the best opportunities and things awarded to me after being rejected.
If you ever feel discouraged when you hear the word “No,’ remember that if you don’t hear “No” ENOUGH, you’re not asking ENOUGH people!
In life you have to put yourself out there, take that leap of faith, all that good stuff. Being afraid of hearing "No!" Should be the least of our concerns.
If I get to 100 No's then I should get at least 10 Yeses. Stop holding on to those talents with an imaginary days on when you're going to get started.
Wanna know a secret? It took me two years to start coaching even though I had been counseling for years and "coaching" and mentoring everyone I knew for years. I was scared of what people would think. All the confidence I had was in a corner. One day I was coaching a peer and she said "you should really expand on this coaching to women everywhere." And at that moment, I knew I had to. The four or five people that I thought would have negative comments were not my concern. I had lives to change.
I figure between DIVAS, Inc (my non-profit organization for girls) and Kimber Lee Online, I will be at 100 No's in a year.
Anyone want to join me on this project 100 journey? If you say NO it's okay, I can dig it, I'm getting prepared for rejection.
I'll share the raw and ugly no's and the beautiful yeses.
ABC’S of Self Love
Just as the alphabet is the foundation for words, sentences, communication, and education. These ABC’s of self-love are the foundation for a euphoric life full of joy.
A is for Acceptance. Accept yourself as you are TODAY!
B is for Be Kind. Be Kind to yourself.
C is for Cultivate. Cultivate your truth.
D is for Distance. Distance yourself from things and people that don't bring you joy.
E is for Evaluate. Every 90 days do a self-evaluation. Are current actions getting you to where you want to be in life? Are they aligned with your truth?
F is for Feelings. Allow yourself to feel an array of emotions. If your sad, it's ok, embrace it. Too many times we hide emotions to appease others or because society has taught us just to be "happy," and content.
G is for Gravitate. Gravitate towards your North Star. What’s leading you in life?
H is for Humility. “Clarity and consistency are not enough: the quest for truth
requires humility and effort.”
I is for Invest. Invest in
yourself. Not just a pair of shoes and a Pedi, but things that will enhance the
quality of your life, i.e. personal trainer, life coach.
J is for Joy. “Comparison is the thief of joy.”
K is for Keep. Keep your head up beautiful.
L is for Love. Love yourself enough to not compromise yourself
M is for Move on!
N is for Nurture. Nurture your strengths!
O is for Own. Own your truth!
P is for Protect. Protect your insecurities.
Q is for Question. Question things and situations until you gain clarity.
R is for Respect. Respect yourself!
S is for Sexy. Preserve your sexy!
T is for Transparency. Be transparent and allow others to see your inner light.
U is for understanding. Seek to understand, then to be understood.
V is for voids. Fill the voids.
W is for worth. Know your worth!
X is for excitement (ehhh).
Y is for youth.
Z is for Zest. Find your Zest, things and people that bring you excitement and enjoyment.
Story time
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We all love stories. From action packed movies to scripted reality TV. The moment one of our girlfriend's say "Girl...you aren't going to believe this..." we are tuned in. I have shared a few stories with you to let you know that whatever is in the back of your closet, let it out! It can't hurt you ever again, unless you're ok with those unwanted memories....I will caution that if you have experienced or suspect that you may have ever been physically or sexually abused, a trained therapist is a must.
Not everyone will appreciate your story, and guess what?!? That's fine! You will know who you feel comfortable and trust enough to share with. Own your story, trust your struggle. No pity parties. This isn't about all the wrongs, but how you can bring all the right! It's your social obligation to let your light shine.
Once you understand the importance of a story, you realize that you, the author of your life, have control of the upcoming chapters. You will connect and realize that you may co-author others stories and the realization will help you decide to how you want to be involved in these stories, if at all.
Stories explore experiences. We all have them- good and bad. They are our makeup just as our DNA. By sharing stories we invite others into our worlds. I invite you into my world and hope that one day you too will extend that invitation to me.
Experience is a wonderful teacher.
Cultivate your truth!
What is your truth? It's all you have honey.
Who are you?
What are your strengths?
What are your weaknesses?
What are your values?
What are your boundaries?
What do you stand for?
What three things enhance your happiness? (Do more of that!)
What skeletons are left in your closet? (Clean that closet out!)
Who hurt you?
How have you hurt?
Who do you love?
Who loves you?
What's the last lie you told?
What relationship plagues you the most?
What relationship makes your soul happy?
Who do you need to apologize to?
What apology are you waiting on?
What do people depend on you for?
What do you depend on others for?
What do you aspire to become?
Only 2% reading this will answer those questions thoughtfully and truthfully.
Cultivating your truth means getting to know yourself fully. Knowing your grounds and the base of every thought, decision, and action. This is done through awareness (questions above) and acceptance. Once you've accepted your truth (the good, the bad, and the ugly) cultivate it as you would a small child.
Communicate this is my truth....”I am”...! Whatever “I am” is.It will either bring you peace or discomfort.
If the "I am" brings you discomfort, those are parts of your truth that you should work on. Cultivate your truth! Seek to nurture and learn as much about yourself each day.
Every decision you make is based on your truth. Not your mama's, not your daddy's, not that man that left you, not the man you left, not your kids, not your pastors, but yours!
What's your truth?
Journaling to Happy
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Are you happy? What does happy look like for you? Daily I help women get to their happy. However, each woman defines it differently. The pursuit of happiness is ongoing and unattached from people and things.
In my sessions with the girls I mentor through Divas, Inc., my nonprofit organization, I focus on the exploration of emotions. Try knowing and understanding how you feel and react will help with defining your happy.
Do you journal? If not, you should. Picking out a pretty journal and a nice pen would be my favorite part of the process. I would often forget to journal for a few days and then all together. When you make change to daily habits, a mind shift occurs.
Stick to a diet for 21 days and see how it's easier to pass up fatty foods.
It takes 21 days of repeatedly doing something before your mind registers it as a habit. Some people need as long as 60 days. For this reason, my development programs are a minimum of 90 days for motivated women seeking change.
If you haven't found your happy. If you need help defining your happy. Or if you want to cultivate positivity and measure your growth. Get a journal.
Every day. Yes, every day journal these five things.
Every morning before starting your day complete these:
1. Today I am thankful for: (list five things)
2. I am: (an affirmation)
If you aren't there yet, speak it into existence. What do you want to become?
Each night before bed, reflect on your day with these:
3. What were the three best parts of my day?
4. One trait that I really love about myself is:
5. One positive thing that I can do to make tomorrow better is:
The power of positive thinking is one of the greatest tools you have to living euphorically.
Dreams aren't free and change is hard!
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Happy October! I realized that the last quarter of the year is upon us. What does that mean?!?
Today is October 1st, from today until December 31st you have the opportunity to potentially complete one -three goals.
Start working on your goals for 2014 and beyond! Personally, I think New Year’s Resolutions are overrated and definitely underperformed. However, this is the time that society has suggested as a great time to make changes. If you don’t know by now, I’m not a fan of “society” and its suggested rules. Whenever I feel like there’s an issue that needs to be addressed or fixed, that’s when I tackle it. If my Huni was doing something that drove me crazy, I wouldn’t wait until January to tell him we needed to work on that. Resolutions are silly. Real solutions are ideal.
I hate to be the one to break it to you, dreams don’t come true. I hope I didn’t kill any vibes. I just see so many people living in fake realities day dreaming. I don’t want that for you.
We create our dream life, but if we never put forth action, it will remain a dream. When you attach goals with actionable steps with the end result being your dream, life is all good! Goals turn dreams into reality.
1. Get out paper and brainstorm ideas. If you are already aware of a potential goal, then brain dump.
Only 3% of people write down their goals. This is an imperative part of the process.
2. Narrow it down to the top three ideas. If you aren’t excited about three, stick to two or just one.
Excitement and passion will help you to complete the goal. Work isn’t fun and change is hard. Necessary, but hard. So ensure you are excited and happy about the end result. When I was trying to lose my baby weight after my son, my birthday dress was the excitement. Not the dreadful workouts or change in eating habits.
3. Be very specific.
Don’t just say you want to own your own business. What type of business is it? What’s the name of the business? What will it take to start this business? With this type of goal, you will need to use short term goals to get you to your ultimate goal. How much do you want to make? What will it take to get to this goal? What research do you need to do?
4. Make the goal measurable.
How will you measure your success in completing the goal? If your goal is to save more money, then a measurable goal would be that in one month I will have saved 10% of my income.
5. Use guidelines not rules.
If you want to lose 5 pounds, don’t give yourself a rule that you can’t eat after 8 pm. Sometimes situations occur that prevent rules from being carried out. Rules are meant to be broken. Rules are “you can’t do this or that.” Guidelines; however, leave room for adjustments. With your fat loss plan, you can eat after 8 pm if you were working out late and need an after workout snack. Guidelines give you room to roll with the punches. Guidelines are “if this, then this..,” you are essentially preparing yourself for hiccups in your plan, to avoid disappointments and quitting.
6. Schedules over deadlines.
Deadlines produce anxiety, anxiety slows down progress. Schedules are casual and easier to include in your day to day life. Instead of saying by December 31, 2013 I will have written my book. Break it down: Every day for October I will write 2,000 words. In November I will come up with a title and continue writing 2,000 words, if the book isn’t where I want it. Weekly you will add these items to your schedule. It takes off the pressure of a set deadline.
7. Acknowledge what you’re giving up to obtain this goal.
8. Examine your resistance.
Let’s face it- we get in our own way!
Your future and dream life is totally up to you! Stop holding yourself back! Thoughts of inadequacy, fear, comparison, and uncertainty are so not cute. Yeah, we all have them, but we have to focus on the bigger picture.
Live. Love. Action
1. Get your paper out today and brainstorm the goal that you are going to work on for this last quarter.
2. Love yourself enough to take action.
3. Your dream is worth the required work.
I want to try to do a monthly motivational meetup on google hangout. Would you be interested? Email me and we can get that started this month!