Quarter Two Living

Quarter Two starts today..are you ready?!? I know you aren't a coaster, you know someone just coasting through life, and these goals and dreams that you have are attached to completion dates. Naturally, I'm not a very organized person, so the thought of completion dates and quarters used to intimidate me a little. Coasting was cool in the 90's, but what car doesn't offer cruise control now? Get it? Coasting…cruise control, it was funny the first time I typed it. 

Unless you're okay with how your life is this very moment and are perfectly okay (hey grammar police I did that on purpose) with living today over and over for the next 30 plus years, by all means keep dreaming and creating goals that you'll never take action on. Thinking about doing is not doing...it's just thinking. 

Some people plan for the entire year. My mind doesn't work well under large constraints. 90 days is a push, but I know it's imperative to my success. I've completed all my Quarter 1 goals. Woop! woop! Wanna know how I did it?!? I lived intentional. 

We all have things we want. Write them down. Stop storing everything in your mind and you'll decrease some stress, worry, and improve your sleep. That's the psychologist in me, I apologize. ;) 

Determine how long it will take to get what you want. 

If you want a new pair of red bottoms, don't feel silly or bad, that's what you want. But figure out a plan on how to get them. So you might be thinking, well duh!?! Swipe my credit card. *clears throat* if another goal on that list is to save more money or get out of debt, you have a big of a contradiction, but no worries. 

This is why you write it down, so you can process it and come up with alternatives. 

You want the shoes and to save money (or eliminate debt) [Sn: be super specific and note how much money and print out the shoes or keep the magazine ad so you can see it often. This helps PUSH you to get what you want]. 

Live. Love. Action. 

1. What are three goals for quarter two? 

2. How can you achieve these goals in 90 days? 

3. Will it truly take 90 days for completion? Be honest!

Write it down. Only 3% do and then are more likely to achieve their goals. Write it now!

Self-development is scary

I'm in the process of restructuring KO. Oddly enough I work with more women in creating businesses than personal coaching. I get it building an empire is definitely sexier than working on you.

Yet, it actually confused me for some time. Like why wouldn't you want to be totally together and at peace. So many of us focus on everything else we can achieve first. We acknowledge the faults here and there but we don't go full force on what's needed to get rid of them. You know the saying, "we all have faults," stagnates many from ever working on anything within them. Please note that self-development extends further than just “faults.”

Example:

Shay has trust issues which she openly admits, but isn't willing to look at the source or even take the steps to rid herself of these issues. She signs up with me for biz coaching. Shay and I get her business running. Shay is really crushing it! I'm proud of her, she's proud!  Amazing opportunities start popping up left and right for her business. However, she doesn't believe that the opportunities are legit, based upon her own issues with not being able to trust people.  Subsequently, she misses out many times because she's doubtful and backdoor researching the opportunity.

Change is hard. I'll be the first to admit it's hard....really hard. Then to admit to another person that you need help with whatever *insert vice/fault is* OMG?!? I get it.

My bestie says I try to save everyone and I'm probably guilty as charged. Most people are okay with their chaos and guess what?!? I'm learning to be cool with everyone not wanting to be happy and at peace.  As Project Pat says, “[they] don't want to be saved.”
 I just know firsthand how GOOD life can be with it. Just like I would tell you what my favorite lipstick is and how amazing it is and keeps my lips moisturized, I want you to be happy and fulfilled. If you're reading this, you are definitely headed in the right direction. Anyone not interested in change on any level, wouldn’t read these type of posts. So Kudos to you! I hope you have your GPS on and set towards happiness, freedom, riches...whatever your desire(s) may be. Go ahead and put that desire in google directions, it isn't going to take you anywhere. Sorry sunshine! You will have to do some leg work.

Most don't want to put the work in. They want magic to occur. Happiness, freedom, and riches are all magical but they don't just fall out the sky because you're beautiful. Trust me...I have gazed at the sky many of days and at the most I was lucky to not have had a bird poop on me.

I often joke and say “Operation get my life right!” Operation get my life right is anytime I feel a shift that something in my life isn't aligned. Think of a car’s alignment, if you remove your hands off the steering wheel and if it shifts to the right or the left...you need an alignment.  If I stop doing my daily practices (gratitude, rest, play) then I begin to notice a shift and I need “Operation get my life right.” If I've had more cheat meals in a week then my clean eating regime...then it’s time for “Operation get my life right!”

Seems easy enough.  However, you will never know if you're shifting, if you've never been aligned with your core values and desires. When you begin working on the hard things is when you begin to create internal alignments. It takes time, but with love and patience, it happens.

No worries to my lovely ladies that are truly working on that core alignment. Personal coaching isn't going away, I just want you to be aware when you see some new things. Change can be so hard. ;) Inspirational posts will continue because that's just who I am...always trying to save someone ;)

Protect your peace

I was driving in the car and started thinking about peace, I thought it would be perfect for someone. Maybe you're that someone. :) 

Remember to get on the email list to get VIP info not posted on the blog to include specials, deals, and girl talk. 

Dramaticals are defined as drama productions created by individuals starring them for their own satisfaction and misery. 

Black Female Addicted to Retail

Black female addicted to retail

“And she be dealing with some issues that you can’t believe…Single black female, addicted to retail.”

— Kanye West

My shoe budget was higher than my grocery and savings budget...yeah I know her. If there was a sale at a department store, I knew before the employees.

Shopping addiction is not even touching it.

Retail therapy...if I was upset...I shopped. If I was bored...I shopped. If I was happy...I shopped. If I was hungry...I went to Nordstroms and would shop afterwards.

My most recent frequented sites were fashion sites and my favorite stores. My closet became a store for my friends. I wouldn't wear things twice, plus so many items still have tags on them. I will note I didn't use credit cards to purchase anything during retail therapy as I don't believe in debt.

So what I've noticed in working with minority women that are very similar to the old me. We would rather invest $500-$1000 on a purse (*insert your fancy*) than invest in ourselves.

Investing in ourselves could be coaching, personal trainer, gym membership, a course not covered by financial aid, real estate. Whatever it is...we hold ourselves back waiting for someone else to give us the opportunity. Choose yourself! There are new rules! And guess who makes the rules? You do! You know you have the power to transform your life into every beautiful detail you sit around and dream about. But guess what cupcake? Deferring those dreams because you don’t invest in yourself is such a waste of purpose.

We might say, “when the rate goes down, I'll sign up,” or “it's just too expensive.”

Truly evaluate the things that you wanted to do to further yourself but you didn't invest because you believed that you couldn't afford it.

When I was in grad school, I went to see a therapist. Granted my insurance paid for majority of the costs and I paid the co-pay. But I wanted to evaluate the process and to ensure I was “healed” enough to heal others. Going to that appointment actually helped me with my counseling skills, because now I know how intimidating it can feel going to the first appointment. But that’s another post entirely.

Invest time in yourself. Research things. Google is my BFF, but so is the library. I read about two books a week. Even with my hectic schedule, because there’s so much I need to learn about the things I want to improve on. The library is free unless you forget to return the books. I probably have 22 books checked out right now from business, health, cookbooks, to self-help. Just as I make “me time” to pamper myself, I have time where I invest in myself.

Monetary investments can be scary. I know! I really do. I recently invested in a coach. What a coach has a coach?!? Yes! I’ve learned ALL the greats have coaches. We all need mentors in various areas. I can say I’m an amazing coach, mentor, and therapist, but I don’t know everything. Sometimes I even get discouraged, and depending on the area(s) of your life coaches are there for you. If Michael Jordan and Lebron James can take instruction from a coach, I am definitely coachable. You may not need coaching in any area of your life, but I’m sure there are things that you are deferring that could get you where you truly want in life. Don’t be that lady addicted to retail and make excuses for why you are unable to invest in yourself.

Successful people don’t wait – they spend money, time, and effort on their own growth because they know without doubt it will pay off – for themselves and everyone around them. Failing to invest in yourself is just another form of self-limiting behaviors. 

The Kimber Lee Show: The Power of Gratitude

A few months back I was introduced to podcasts. What in the world is a podcast you ask? Basically audio, talking about any and everything. I mainly listen to business and self-help pods...go figure. When I created the mission impossible course, I used audio to accompany the program and the response was well received. There is something about the human voice that helps us to resonate with things.

I will warn you, the format will be very laid back. As a matter of fact I was driving as I recorded this episode and the "ums" are prevalent. However, if you're listening for those, you missed the true content. :)

This episode is entitled the power of gratitude. In the future episodes there will be interviews of phenomenal women throughout the world and a girl talk section, you know the things we only talk about with our girls and I'll invite some of my girls to chime in from time to time. It's always interesting when your most of your girls are therapists. Very interesting! The podcast is on itunes, just search The Kimber Lee Show if you want to subscribe. I’ll explain that process in time, but it’s really simple.  

Transparency

Transparency...I'm working on becoming more transparent on the blog. It's easier in person because I know who I'm talking to and typically am more compelled to share. Versus on the blog, I hit publish and thousands are privileged  to my mind, heart, vulnerabilities, and past experiences.  I know you're thinking, well just don't share, that's simple enough. However, it isn't that simple. I know that through sharing experiences and stories leads to healing of the recipient and the one sharing.

“A lack of transparency results in distrust and a deep sense of insecurity.



”

— Dalai Lama

I'm very thankful that I can consider myself a wounded healer. I've gone through many things, and I've survived. I don't play victim, I don't walk around angry, I don't place blame. I accept my reality for what it is. I'm very thankful for the lessons I've learned, no matter how many times it took to learn the lesson.

There are some women that will read this blog and we will never interact or work together, but they will resonate with things that I write about and share. And I'm here for them just as those that I serve. In working with majority of minority women, I've noticed most of us have a hard time dealing with self-help topics. It's easy to acknowledge "something" [what's your something(s)?]  but to become motivated to change that "something," and actually follow through is a whole 'nother story. We all know that lady that's always put together from the top of her head to that fresh pedicure on her toes, but she's a MESS inside. You may not know her, because she lays the polish on so well, she's mastered the role and is even convinced herself that she's together! But she's as put together as Humpty Dumpty after the fall!

I know her....I used to be her some years back. The facade was real. Prior to working on myself and actually aspiring to live the life I truly wanted, I bought my happiness. Whatever I wanted, I would get. I reasoned that I worked hard and I deserved it. And I did work hard, but I deserved happiness and my true desires fulfilled more.

Note: there's nothing wrong with treating yourself, do that! But love yourself and follow your dreams and passions like you lust over meaningless things.

I blocked out certain emotions that would cause me to look at parts of myself that I didn't want to deal with or remember situations I didn't want to address. I was emotionally unavailable and dated the unavailable and it became complicated when their emotions got involved and they realized how wonderful and amazing I was, because I truly didn't acknowledge my worth. I knew the basics, but not the full scale.  I had a lot to offer yet I still felt I wasn't enough...not being enough is a form of scarcity that so many people experience, yet no one talks about it..openly. 

So through my training, life experience, past pains, and the desire to be a change agent...I'm here...fully transparent and fearlessly authentic.

As I often say, "own your story, trust your struggle."

Friday Confession: People are all talk

People love to hear themselves talk. I’ll admit it; I’m included in that too. But one thing that really bothers me is when there is no action behind that talk. You know when someone starts to tell you ALL these things they are going to do, yet they rarely begin. So you just wasted my time listening to ALL these exciting and amazing things that I know you would excel at, and your own time describing and explaining it ALL to me. I read an article a few months ago, that mentioned the moment we tell others our goals and aspirations or even things we want to do, we then feel a bit of accomplishment. As if we have accomplished something by merely talking. Sounds so odd, but I began to notice when I did it, and when others would do it.

In coaching, mentoring, and therapy I hear talk more so than the average. Now don’t get me wrong, I love what I do, because I love helping. However, I’m no help if the person has no follow through. We all want to change, but very few are willing to put forth the efforts to accomplish the change.  In graduate school, I learned many theories and reasons as to why people change, as well as why they don’t.  In order to change the pain (or unwanted thing/event) must be so unbearable that you can't imagine feeling (dealing with) it anymore. Very commonsensical, who would continue to do things that they don’t like, right? Wrong! Everyday people do it. That job they complain about, yet guess where they are still employed at? That friend that drives them crazy, guess who they are hanging out with this weekend? So many situations…can you think of any in your life?

 In looking at my own life, I rarely made a change until I decided the “pain” was too much to bear.  When I had my first son, I was 18 years old and undecided about college. I would go then I would quit then I would go again, and I would quit again. I played a refund game with Sally Mae for a few years. I would go long enough to get my refund check, and then I would drop out.  I had my daughter at 21 years old and I hated the jobs that were available to me, and that’s IF I worked. Between my parents supporting me and my Huni, I was in my comfort zone. The “pain” wasn’t bad enough to make a change. I quit a “good job,” and decided I really wanted more. I needed more freedom, I wanted fulfillment, I didn’t appreciate the way the clientele would talk to me. And this is back when my attitude was “nuck if you buck,” and I hadn’t fine-tuned my assertiveness.  I went back to college and did exceptionally well. My pain was too much to bear.

I want you to really think about things that you want to change, how bad is the pain? Is that why you haven’t made any progress towards this change? Do you even want to change?

I’ll leave you with this, before verbalizing any changes you want to make, do, or embark on, write it down and an estimated completion date. Include one actionable step you can do within two days to get the process going. Once that’s completed tell two people and give them your estimated completion date. These people should be persons that will hold you accountable to your date. 

Have you ever felt broken?

Have you ever been broken? Not a bone or physical state, but a very low point emotionally. It could be a divorce, abortion; death of a child, death of parents and (or) siblings or spouse; incest, domestic violence, sexual trauma (assault, rape, molestation), substance abuse (alcohol, drugs, prescription), etc.

Basically the pain of life can seem too much to bear. Your heart is beyond broken. Your world has been turned upside down. Have you ever been broken?

Recently a client asked me how I could be so positive. I didn't know how to answer her initially. Sure I could give her any politically correct answer and smile, and then encourage her to do the same. But looking in her eyes she was BROKEN and barely holding on to the facade that "everything was okay." I told her I chose to live in the dark for a few years and once finding my light, I held on to it for dear life.

For about six years I worked with sexual trauma clients who suffered from PTSD and adolescent pedophiles (male & female).  Now talk about a true conflict of interest. My first client was seven years old. This was my first counseling client ever. She was BROKEN at just seven years old. We talked for 10 minutes and I couldn't keep my composure. I wanted to fix her. I began tearing up and my supervisor removed me QUICK (as she should have). Since that day I was trained to develop an eye for the broken. Almost like a secret superpower. This superpower has it pros and its cons; especially since I want to help so many women achieve happiness, but I'm realistic and I know that no one goes through life without pain. 

“The bamboo that bends is stronger than the oak that resists.
”

— Japanese proverb

I've been broken maybe two or three times. I would say probably two times, since I have a high resiliency. The third time my feelings were just heavily hurt, but I wasn't broken. Resilience is the capacity to adapt to difficult or challenging life experiences. Regardless of how I became broken, I accepted that I was in moments of despair. I wanted the pain to stop and the hurt to leave. Although during brokenness, you don't see the way out.

I developed a simple prayer that has helped through trying times:

Dear Lord,

I'm asking you for peace, not for healing because I know that will come in time as I learn from this unfortunate event. However in order to gain that insight, I need peace.

-Thank you! Amen. 

Peace of mind is everything! Peace allows the mind to think clearly and helps us to discern the lesson and choices we need to make, which aides in our healing.

Often times when we're broken we just want to be fixed, and fast. I blame society. New here? Society and I don't get along. I'm a rebel with a cause & we rarely see eye to eye. Society has the tendency to make it an issue if we feel any emotion aside from joy and happiness. Society labels us as “emo,” anxious, and depressed. And NOTHING is wrong with those emotions, the negative connotation that people place upon them is why so many flea from accepting pain.

You have to learn to identify and accept your feelings just as they are. It's okay to not be okay. If you are feeling hurt, embrace that hurt. Hiding it and denying it for face value will not help you. There’s no reason that you have to be strong, as we all are conditioned to think. It is okay to be weak at times. It’s normal and acceptable to hurt, when you are hurting. You don’t need permission, but I’ll give it to you just this once…you have permission to hurt, cry, and scream. 

Heal and build your resilience during trying times by incorporating the following:

Accept the situation as it is. Black and white, no grey area here.

Let go of things you can’t control.

Be optimistic.

Strengthen your relationships. Don’t isolate yourself from others. Draw to them and accept their love and understanding. You will need it.

Increase your gratuity. Be thankful for the things that you have and the situations that are well in your life.

Live in the present moment.

Nurture yourself.

Avoid alcohol and drugs when you’re hurting. Please…for me.

Look for the lesson and self-discovery.

You don’t need all the answers, so stop looking for them.

Be gentle to yourself.  

Accept that change is a part of life.

Understand that this is a “part” of your story, but it not your whole story, or does it depict who you are.

It has been said that resilient people are like bamboo trees in a hurricane, they bend rather than break. Even if you feel like you’re going to break or are in a state of brokenness, know it will get better, and start leaning with the wind as you prepare for your light. Brokenness can either lead to bitterness or wholeness, you decide.

Cultivate your passion

I have a program Passion vs. Purpose, not a shameless plug, I promise. It's always interesting to watch others "find" their passions. Once it's broken down, the things we think we're passionate about are just mere things that just tickle our passion meter.

“Purpose is the reason you journey.  Passion is the fire that lights your way.”

I have an event planning business. I love party planning. The creativity behind creating one of a kind moments that will WOW people, and to leave an impact on the client. Our motto is "we plan, you party." This is where the drama begins. The average person can't afford an event planner. Want to know the science behind that? You don't need one. So those that can afford the planner forget that they want the planner to plan, it's as though they were put in office as a dictator. (Reason #1 why I don’t do weddings, that adds another level of crazy) This situation rips the freedom and creativity out of party planning, and for a lack of a better term, kills my vibe. Event planning is not a passion of mine. Just something I'm good at and I like to do on my terms. Once I learned this, I restructured my business. I offer consultations for ideas and to pick my brain for tips.  I don't advertise. Some business eh? When you're good, people will advertise for you. Just as I was typing this, I had a lady to call me requesting I do centerpieces for a wedding in May. But my true passions have my 2014 eventful. I'm not willing to "waste" my time organizing ideas, researching cheap and affordable materials, producing the centerpieces, and distributing them. The money could easily be worth it, but I'm not money driven, I'm passion driven. I referred her to an associate of mine. And guess what her passion is?

“Your work is to discover your work and then, with all your heart, to give yourself to it.”

Do you want to tickle your passion meter? Or do you want to submerge yourself fully and reap the full benefits. Stop using fillers and distractions to occupy temporary smiles, cultivate your passion.

“Only passions, great passions, can elevate the soul to great things.”

How do you find passions? Look at what you love to do, see, and think about. Write your passions out. 100 of them. Doesn't matter how silly or unrealistic, take some time and think of 100 things that you really like and love doing and seeing.

“Neglecting passion blocks creative flow.  When you’re passionate, you’re energized.  Likewise, when you lack passion, your energy is low and unproductive.  Energy is everything when it comes to being successful.”

Stop "following your passion," there's no freedom in occasionally taking a walk with your passion. Cultivate it!!! Learn about your passion, love it, nurture it, and help it to grow. Cultivate your passion. This is something you love, you wouldn't just merely walk behind your mate throughout life and wait for them to look back and wink at you from time to time. Hunay, now you know, you would NOT stand for that. Some passions take foreplay, have fun with it, be consistent, and that euphoric happiness will come. ;)

Everyone should have at least one thing that makes thing super duper excited that they have to share with the world and can talk about it forever with anyone. Sad thing is, most people don’t. No worries, we all have the ability, sometimes diamonds just need to be dusted off and cleaned before they can shine their brightest. Remember in the 8 Ways to Get Your Life I talked about Maslow’s Hierachy of Needs? Passion is hard to focus on if the physiological, safety, love/belonging, and esteem haven’t been reached yet. And again, no worries, if you want to get to happy, it’s all possible.  Passion and happiness are interconnected.  

Live. Love. Action

1. Tell someone you haven't told all week that you love them.

2. Write 100 of your passions.

3. Email them to me (Kimber@kimberleeonline.com) and we'll complete a passion inventory together.

How I wanted to save the world

What did you want to do when you were a child?

I wanted to save the world. I wanted to make everyone happy. Pretty ambitious/typical for a child, eh? Society convinced me that I couldn't save the world. Then I realized society is a word we all hide behind. Who is society? How many people consist of this society, that so many of us have found fear in? Either it's fear of disappointing, being ostracized by, or whatever fear we convince ourselves of. Once I got over imaginary society, I decided I can still "save" the world and make people happy.  Is society holding you back?

Our natural strengths combined with passion makes us unstoppable...only when consistent.

What are your natural strengths?

I believe my natural strengths are that I'm friendly (maybe too friendly), compassionate, genuine, creative, and I'm real. I asked the people closest to me what my three-five best characteristics are. This was about a year ago...here are their responses...unedited:

honesty

resilient

perseverance

determined

free spirit

intelligent

Being humble

Creative

Hard worker

Detailed oriented

extremely creative

passionate

Compassionate

funny

maternal

Sweet

loveable

smart

You r smart

witty

creative

smart

creative

 innovative

Honest

open minded

loving

Pretty

Supporting

intelligent

Creative

fun

adventurous

realistic

resilient

spoiled brat! Lol

strong

empathetic 

great mother

 and best of all Great wife!

charming

compassionate

 adaptable

persistent

worrsum

generous

sense of humor

empathic

 loving

real

ambitious

Ur a caring hands on mom, thats intelligent, humorous, I'm looking for the word that describes ppl that think outside the box

Your passion,Your beautiful smile,Creative Energy & Realism

Can you guess which response was my huni?

I measure up pretty well. I make an effort to show up daily. What does that mean? I am conscious about my moves and decisions and especially my thoughts. Every morning I start with my journal. I make an affirmation that I am here to help and I will help x amount of people on that day. Back in 2004 I also made a conscious decision to ensure that every interaction I had with others was authentic and genuine. So what you see with me is what you get. I don't say things to make anyone feel better or worse, I tell the truth. With my realism, there are often times, I hold my tongue. If I know the person is not capable of processing the truth, I won’t harm them with a truth that will only harm them, just to get them to see the light. That just proves I think I’m right. It does no good for either of us. Most people have aversions to the truth; despite verbalizing they really want it.  I’m in the helping business, not the hurting, but I will guide you to your truth. If you’re ready.

Human relationships are extremely important to me. I put forth extra effort with people. I give chances. I forgive and I forgive. I don't always forget, but guess what?!? I'm human. My friends call me “neutral nancy.” I pretty much get along with everyone.  There's no chance in that, I make a conscious effort. Daily I laugh, I smile, and make strangers feel as if we are best friends reunited, and I apologize when I'm wrong. Anyone that doesn't like me is either pre my conscious efforts or a woman scorned. Note: don't waste energy on trying to win over haters. Despite how freaking amazing you are (and you are) some people just can't deal with all the sunshine God has placed in you. Channel that energy to loving those that love you even more.

Every day I’m focused on helping someone to become a better person, whatever that looks like to them. I might not save the world, but I'm definitely making deposits so it will be better. Live consciously, no more drifting and going with the flow. I want you to show up every day, show up and show out!

Live. Love. Action.

1.    What are your three to five best characteristics?

2.    Ask three people closest to you what they think your best characteristics are?

3.    Compare the lists. Any similarities? What contrasts should you work on?

4.    Try to live every day on purpose...your purpose